An Overlooked World
by N. Reynolds
Summary: [Story Completed] When Ranma lets his mask of stupidity slip, Nabiki attacks Cologne. Even with his intelligence, Ranma can not fix things. Can he break them in a new and better way? I don't think I've seen a story quite like mine. Not angst, somewhat hap
1. Chapter 1

An Overlooked World

A simple perusal with any elementary physics book will show that it is impossible for two people to leap, fight suspended at the top of their leap for three seconds while they fight, and then separate and fall normally. I've been doing it with my pops since I was seven.

Everyone universally agrees my pop is too stupid to know it is impossible, and he's tried to keep me that stupid too. Obviously he failed.

I've had to conceal my intelligence from him all of my life. At first it was to avoid the senseless beatings, later it was to retain any level of control of my life.

Even a science text book intended for eight year olds, if it's any good, outlines the basis for the scientific method. The Renaissance's rediscovery of the ancient Greek's method of achieving greater understanding. The use of observation, leading to hypothesis, followed by tests, and resulting in a theory.

Observation shows that the center of gravity of two martial artists through the air doesn't describe a parabola with respect to time, as it should. Could this be explained through friction? No. How about an ablative reaction force? No. Electromagnetics? No. Relativity? No. Gravitational attraction of heavenly bodies? No.

Yet my father, and through his training, myself, manage it purely by instinct.

For weeks, for months, I pondered over this problem, adding other physical impossibilities to my list of inexplicable phenomena. It wasn't until five years later that I managed to do consciously what my pop and I learned instinctively.

To date, I've never heard anyone question our ability more deeply than 'How does he do that?' to which we always answer 'Training.' I've lived among people who are believed to be intelligent, classically educated, and observant, like Nabiki Tendo, but I have yet to hear her make even the slightest inquiry as to why the laws of Newtonian physics fail to explain our fights.

Newtonian physics, after all, remained uncontested by the standard pedagogical establishments for 200 years, and reigns to this day when not discussing things that are insanely fast, ridiculously small, or passing through a variable gravitational field.

Many are the impossible things I've done, both internally and externally, which my pop ascribes to chi, the mythical energy that forms the basis for yoga, acupuncture, shiatsu, and moxibustion. This supposedly invisible energy is used to explain away such visible effects as a battle aura, as if I were posing for Kirillian photography in a high voltage electrical field.

And no one asks why when I throw 55 punches a second, my hand doesn't suffer the heat of friction, or why it doesn't produce a low note to the tune of 'A.' That isn't to say I can't make notes through punching. I find I have about an octave and a half range to human ears. But when doing that, I do feel the heat.

If I'm feeling particularly nasty I've even slowed my Amaguriken down to subsonic frequency, and used it on Ryouga's gut. He can barely feel it, but it induces intense diarrhea immediately. Ah the benefits of reading books on human physiognomy.

The failure of Newtonian physics, of course, is that it assumes that Euclidian geometries apply to events in real life. It is the same failure that is noted in relativity, but then only for situations unexperienced by humans, except through proxy, or Einstein's gedankenexperiments. Mainstream physicists have long ignored a long list of books throughout history which pointed out the bizarre behavior exhibited through the conjunction of certain angles, especially when those books proceeded to describe how by means of such calculations objects and beings could be removed or brought into our world.

It should be obvious to you at this point that the little tricks of hidden weapons and the ability to always grab a mallet when needed could hardly be beyond me. As I have intimated earlier, I had established as a working theory the kinds of geometries needed when I was thirteen. The reason I never make use of these methods is the danger inherent in them. A danger Akane, Shampoo, and especially Mousse are bound to discover. I'm surprised Mousse has lasted as long as he has. I suspect there's more to his school than I've divined which works to protect the user from attracting attention, or the school would never have survived. Still, at the rate he's going he'll never reach 21.

I wonder what Mr. Tendo would say if he knew that each time his sweet Akane clobbers me, she's holding a virtual gun to her head, and playing Russian roulette? I have done what I can to ensure the safety of supposed innocents in the house from the unexpected consequences of Akane's actions.

No one realizes that one of the reasons I keep teasing Akane is to judge whether that body is really Akane in more than name. There are far worse things that can happen to her than just dying, and as the only responsible martial artist I have to watch her.

Looking back at diaries of my father, which I've stolen from our family estate before the place was wrecked by the hormonally challenged females that call me friend and fiancee, but are in reality neither, it is readily apparent that although my father has always been stupid and proudly uneducated, there was some accident that removed all common sense and long range planning. This event obviously occurred before our training journey.

I cannot say if it is because of this event, either remembered or merely felt, that my father has avoided teaching me the finer points of esoteric subjects. It might merely be an inability to comprehend the ideas that went into such techniques that made up the Umi-sen-ken. Or it might be just such a 'training accident' that caused his slide towards mediocrity. Two things are obvious. He could never develop such a technique today, and there's a very good reason to seal several of the techniques.

I have developed a technique of my own, which I have tested when hunting game, which takes advantage of the dangers inherent in this kind of manipulation. I daren't use it except at extreme long range. At least on animals it is invariably terminal, although rarely injuring the body of the victim, which I would then have to bring down using another means. Madness, or possession by minds much more bizarre than any ghost or demon are the most common result, while banishing the target or summoning it's killer are not rare occurrences. And there was one case which I believe was a topological inversion through at least five dimensional space which I believe was due to a previously existing flaw in the area in question.

.oO0Oo.

Author's Note:

This started life as a Lovecraftian horror story. I had written up to this point, when I appended a note to the end saying: Add a horror story here but I didn't have anything to really insert. I just left it on my hard drive for a few months. 


	2. Chapter 2

But it was clearly my fault when Nabiki's barbs and shallow innuendo finally affected me, and I answered her question, "Why are you so mean to Akane?" with ill-considered honesty.

I shouted "Because I don't want to become a teenaged widower!" I realized at once the foolishness of my statement, but it was too late. Nabiki had recognized the veracity of my statement, and the now-obvious desire to conceal the information from her.

In spite of her barbs, and digs she used to try and obtain more information, I maintained a close-lipped silence, and left her presence in a fashion that was extremely rude, but well in keeping with the manner she had been treating me for the last quarter hour.

Nabiki hadn't the knowledge necessary to understand my misgivings, but she arrived at a conclusion none the less. She believed that I believed someone would murder Akane upon successful completion of our nuptials. And while there were no shortage of suspects, the Kuno and Kuonji families were unlikely to attempt a murder on anyone I was protecting. Neither of them possessed the competence to succeed, in any event.

But it was obvious to Nabiki that I wouldn't worry about the success of incompetent assassins. After all, I dealt with incompetent assassination attempts on myself on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. Only one group had enmity against someone married to me, and had the numbers of skilled assassins to make success possible. The Chinese Amazons.

Nabiki was, of course, wholly ignorant of the methods I had at my disposal if I ever grew to hold human life cheaply. Unfortunately, none of my deadly techniques were amenable to modification to reduce their danger to manageable levels, and as a deterrent, I would have to expose their existence and effect; which would have far-reaching consequences of a catastrophic effect beyond my ability to channel or mitigate.

Had they an inkling of what I had learned, or the knowledge that the techniques were possible, then my father, Ryouga, Mousse and Happosai would research them without regard to their own safety. Cologne would take what precautions she felt were necessary, but as she lived with a boy in her charge who regularly bent space in unnatural ways merely to gain a slight benefit in combat, she clearly did not understand the danger involved.

It would mean the death of Mousse, at the very least. And as inevitable as his own demise was, I was in no desire to hasten it just to threaten someone. After all, if the threat would result in widespread death and corruption beyond my control, then it were better to cause the death directly, and remain in control.

So long before I could use these techniques to threaten, I would use them to kill directly, and I had no desire to do that, in spite of the way they treated me.

I will admit to a vicarious thrill in knowing that they lived at my sufferance. That it was because I was such a good, moral, and honorable man that they maintained their sanities and their lives. I will admit that at times I was wont to revel in my safety, security, and superiority. It helped me bear the ills heaped upon me by the greedy and the selfish. And even as I realized my shortcomings, I was able to feel superior in that I admitted to myself my shortcomings, while the people around me refused to realize their own.

This left Nabiki to suspect I held the Amazons as a creditable threat; which, as long as I used non-lethal methods, they were. And as that threat was pointed at her sister, and not me, she took the threat seriously. After all, I was a better judge of martial arts abilities than her, and no one else had more information on the Amazons, but I.

Had I slipped up in front of her older sister, Kasumi, the resolution of the perceived danger would have been achieved through negotiations designed to promote understanding. Unfortunately, Nabiki wasn't willing to accede in order to maintain a harmonious relationship with the Amazons. Her modus operandi was to acquire a position of strength before starting negotiations, and use her strength to avoid repercussions after forcing others to her will.

Unfortunately, this put her in direct opposition with Cologne. An Amazon who had been dealing with political intrigue involving the cleverest of the Amazons for longer than Nabiki was even alive. Furthermore Nabiki took Cologne's self-enforced restrictions of her assisting her great-grand-daughter as if it were an inability to act. Cologne was bound by strict internal tribal laws governing the aid she could give Shampoo. Laws that lost their applicability the moment Nabiki became a creditable threat against the Amazons.

It's a bittersweet irony that Cologne, Nabiki, and I all considered ourselves the most powerful in Nerima. Cologne's belief was based on her ignorance over the ease I could drive her mind from her body as I exploded the restaurant's propane tanks from a distance of two blocks away.

Nabiki's belief was founded upon her mistaken belief in my stupidity, and Cologne's failure to throw all of her abilities in support of Shampoo's marriage claim. Nabiki was the only one who was failing to conceal her true strength.

When Nabiki finally made her attempt to blackmail Cologne, she was struck on a shiatsu point that wiped short term memory and knocked her unconscious. Then, while Shampoo concealed an inexpensive movie camera, Cologne went to work, putting Nabiki in a trance where she'd answer questions honestly without remembering it.

Cologne quizzed her on her contingency plans, getting a list of people who were supposed to release the damaging information if something happened to Nabiki.

Then they started the camera, had Mousse and Shampoo leave, and restored Nabiki while it looked to Nabiki like Cologne was entering the room for the first time.

Nabiki re-tried to blackmail Cologne, this time on camera. Cologne stayed in character, asking what protection Nabiki had against retribution. Nabiki, unaware that Cologne already knew their names and addresses, mentioned how her lieutenants would reveal all if anything happened to her.

Cologne insisted she needed 24 hours to decide. Nabiki, sensing Cologne's capitulation, agreed.

That night, Cologne and Shampoo visited several schoolgirls' bedrooms, retrieving copies of evidence, and using the memory erasing shampoo to make them forget everything pertaining to Nabiki or the Amazons. Then, as Nabiki walked to school the next morning, she received the Jhusenkyou curse of "spring of drowned duck".

Then, to remove suspicion over her disappearance, they took the film of Nabiki blackmailing them to the police. While the police were looking for Nabiki, she was languishing in Mousse's cage, disguised as Mousse, while Mousse was sent on an errand outside Nerima.

Now, with Nabiki ostensibly hiding from the police, and Cologne pressing charges, the rest of the Tendo family insisted I sort the situation out. Apparently since the Amazons were involved, it was all my fault. Soun categorically refused to do anything.

I was left in a bit of a quandary. The Tendo family wanted me to challenge Cologne to drop the charges. They blissfully overlooked my lack of bargaining power over Cologne, as I had nothing to offer her that the Tendos would accept. They overlooked the fact that I wasn't likely to win in a non-lethal fight that Cologne was taking seriously. They overlooked the fact that I didn't have any emotional investment to win this fight.

Theoretically I could have agreed to marry Shampoo if I lost, but Soun Tendo wouldn't agree to that. He refused to accede anything, demanding I somehow get Cologne to drop the charges on Nabiki without risking anything else. This was, of course impossible.

At least it was impossible as long as I kept to my self-imposed limits. But even if I were willing to kill to get my way, I wouldn't kill just to get someone forgiven from committing a crime. Granted at the time I didn't know that Cologne's accusations were a cover for her kidnapping of Nabiki. But regardless of that, Nabiki's guilt was clearly established, and her absence lent credence to the belief that Nabiki realized her culpability legally, whether or not she accepted her culpability morally.

So Soun Tendo would be satisfied by nothing less than the use of deadly force against the Amazons in defense of the indefensible. I could, of course deliver him a fait accomplis, and offer Cologne anything of Soun's that I wanted. I considered staging a public challenge, offering Akane to Cologne if I lost; for Akane to immediately leave for China to train in the village, and never enter Japan again if I lost. I considered throwing the fight, leaving Soun with just Kasumi.

I probably wouldn't be welcome back at the Tendo Dojo, but then again I never was that welcome.

I considered hunting Nabiki down, and turning her over to the police, but I didn't know the first thing about hunting Nabiki down, beyond one summoning technique which would cause the victim, wherever they were to waste away. Not something I could use, or adapt to the circumstances at hand.

I considered allying myself outright with the Amazons, breaking all ties with the Tendos. In spite of them being the closest I've ever experienced to a normal home life, there wasn't one of them to treat me as anything more than an unwanted country cousin, thrust on them as incidental baggage brought by the wonderful Genma Saotome. But I had more that a little reason to distrust the Amazon's with my wellbeing.

So it was without a chance of success that I trudged to the Nekohanten, ostensibly to open negotiations, but in reality to look for options that were currently hidden from me.

Having every indication that she was in complete mastery of the district, Cologne displayed her nobless oblige and agreed to see me. I pointed out to her that I was expected to challenge her to get her to drop the charges, but that I was explicitly forbidden to offer her anything, at least anything Soun Tendo valued, which included myself even if it were only because he considered me as an asset.

She agreed with me that only a fool would accept such an offer of nothing for something, and obliged me by formally refusing my challenge unless I offered her something of value. My suggestion of a panda skin rug met chuckles all around, and it was agreed that if Genma made too great of an ass of himself, Cologne would suggest it for me to deliberate over to Genma's disquiet.

It was quietly pointed out that if I tried to hold Cologne to that, I would have to supply the dead panda before the battle commenced.

Meanwhile Nabiki was trying to escape to notify us of her plight. Unfortunately months of foiling Mousse's escape attempts had left the Amazons with a skill at holding waterfowl that was unrivalled. Nabiki-duck lacked many of the advantages Mousse-duck possessed, with only her intelligence to compensate. Unfortunately she lacked the physical abilities and the human communication which might have let her make use of her talent.

I was pointing out that asking me to risk committing myself to a life-bond like marriage was too much to ask to drop the charges on a blackmailer I only partially liked. I tried to subtly ask if she would be open to another offer. I stressed that I had no ability to offer it at that point, but I wondered if she would clear Nabiki if I had some way to drop the family commitment to marry with a Tendo permanently.

Cologne was well aware that I would be unable to achieve this, so she condescendingly agreed she would favorably consider it. It was after all impossible at my current limitations. But while I was loathe to ever cross the line of killing a sentient, there were other self-imposed limitations I could break in order to succeed.

With Soun Tendo so admirably restricting my options, yet holding me responsible to repair the situation, I felt it was time to let slip one of the seals on my true abilities.

Before this was resolved, Nerima would at least suspect that I wasn't an uneducated idiot.

And once that happened, I would have to resolve the mess of commitments my father left me.

I had two advantages; an unanticipated intelligence and Nabiki's absence. The fathers had proven time and again that they had the same intelligence I appeared to have; that of a six year old.

I had a possible goal in mind, but no plan how to achieve it. In order for this to work, I would have to be on a different family register than Genma when it was all over. If I remained under his thumb, he would recreate any commitments I'd broken.

If I were willing to marry it would have been trivial. But as I had yet to meet anyone I would be willing to consider a life partner. And putting myself on another's family register would be trading the devil I knew for another.

It was time to gather allies who were uninterested, or at least disinterested in whom I'd marry. This reduced my vast circle of acquaintances to only two in Nerima; my mother and Kasumi Tendo.

The first step was to buttonhole my mom, and point out that if she did the wrong thing, I would become unable to guarantee she'd ever see her grandkids. I stressed that if she went to the Tendo dojo to punish Soun and Genma she would lose all chance at grandkids.

This was somewhat dangerous because it left her angry at me. I told her that I had three choices left, and only one lead to grandkids. If she acted in anger, we'd lose the chance to enjoy raising the next generation together. All this was necessary because I needed her to treat what I told her as serious, but I also needed her restrained from trying to fillet Soun and Genma.

I filled her in on Nabiki's warrant for her arrest and the father's demands. I implied that going to China meant that Nodoka would be separated from me forever.

When I pointed out to her that Soun was looking for ways to trade me for Nabiki, I had to restrain her. When I pointed out that Genma supported Soun, I had to hold her back.

I told her that Soun had tried to tie my hands. If Nodoka did nothing, or if she tried to punish the fathers directly, I would be lost to her. But with her help and support, I thought I could win free.

Then I won her over by suggesting the possibility of doubling the number of possible grandchildren.

In retrospect it was easier than I thought it would be. Mom was desperate to believe I was a manly man, so it was relatively easy to convince her that the reason I wasn't going farther with the girls I knew was because of the fathers.

The father's plans and complete disregard for the happiness and personalities of their children meant that they killed all possibilities of their children dating anyone they might like.

I told her an honest but extremely biased account of my time in Nerima. How after being kept from all women, I was finally sent to a co-ed school, but hours before I could meet some girls to date, I was engaged to the one girl who wanted nothing to do with a boyfriend. How the parents encouraged Akane to clobber me whenever I complemented any of the trio of girls who lived with me.

How they interfered when I almost kissed Akane. Their endeavors to embarrass us at any show of intimacy. I even described their attempts to get me to marry a duck while claiming it was Akane Tendo.

Then I described how my father validated the Kuonji engagement, making it impossible to do anything with either Akane or Ukyou without dishonoring the other.

I described how much grief the fathers gave me over going on a date with Shampoo in exchange for the instant nannichuan, which we thought would cure pop and I. Even though I went through with the date, and shared it with pop, they did everything they could to stop it.

I told her about the time they switched my engagement to Nabiki. Actually all they did was agree to it after Nabiki and Akane delivered to them a fait accomplis. But like the mariners in "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner," by their own reason they justified the action and admitted themselves as part of the crime. I told Mom how Nabiki used an engagement, which could have fostered love and a binding of the clan, as an excuse to peddle me at hard labor; treating me as her slave with the support of the parents.

It helped that everyone knew my face lacked the subtlety to dissemble. It helped that everything I said was the truth. My mother accepted my bias as gospel, and was ready to neuter the fat fool of a father forthwith.

But I dissuaded her. The only way I'd ever get to marry and procreate is if my father were completely removed from the decision making process.

Having delivered my pronouncement I non sequetered to discussing the father's resistances to the possibility of Kasumi Tendo ever marrying. How for the promise of free house care the fathers conspired to keep Kasumi from meeting anyone.

At first my effluvient praise suggested to my mother a romantic attachment to the wonderful girl, but my repeated use of the term older-sister quickly derailed that thought. I added a soupcon of guilt pointing out that she was the only reliable female companionship I had had while the fathers kept mom from me.

I pointed out how even that companionship had to be carefully moderated lest I run afoul of Akane's parentally approved jealousy and violence. Violence which might have left her sister seriously injured.

By this time, my mother was beginning to puzzle over my praising a woman with whom I apparently had no desire to be intimate. I waxed expansively on her stilted desires to continue her schooling, and the likelihood of her finding the right man for her once she was allowed to leave the kitchen and resume a scholastic social circle.

I even pointed out how much she had already been willing to sacrifice for the family that didn't appreciate her, and asked mom to predict what kind of mother she'd make for her own family someday. I even intimated I thought it would be expansive.

Having said all that was necessary to convince my mother that although unsuitable as she was to me, Kasumi would have made an ideal daughter-in-law; my mother jumped to the conclusion that I was just pointing out that choosing Akane over Kasumi was just another way Pop had screwed up my search for a mate. So her thoughts were completely derailed when I asked mom, "So. What do ya think if we could let you adopt her?"

.oO0Oo.

Author's note:

After several months I wrote the bit covering Nabiki's downfall, without any idea where it would go. Again I put it aside.

Finally it occurred to me that the horror story could coexist with the rest of the story about Nabiki. Perhaps coming to a conclusion at the same time.

I still didn't have a horror story to add, but I could work on the more standard "Ranma fixes everybody else's mistakes" part, and it might even suggest the form of the horror.

This turned it from an eldritch horror story to a Ranma was hiding his brains all along story.

I could have gone back and expurgated the elements of unnatural geometries from the beginning, but I didn't see the point. 


	3. Chapter 3

While she was still mentally off-balance I pointed out how if Kasumi were my sister we would be rescuing her from a trap of her family's making, and how without any constraints on mother's part Kasumi would likely and of her own free will provide mother with infants to dote on.

It would, of course, be premature to act on the information, as I had yet to sound Kasumi out on the subject. But if she desired it, would mother welcome her into our home, and let her find her own future?

She was not as off-balance as I had hoped, and added a proviso of her own. But it was one I was reasonably sure Kasumi would have no trouble accepting. Kasumi would be given carte blanche to seek her own path in life if she could tell mother in all sincerity that at that moment, she wanted a husband and children. If Kasumi's desires paralleled my mothers, she would be accorded the right to her own path, even if it eventually didn't align with mother's.

I could have played on my mother's affection for the darling Kasumi, and I'm sure I could have convinced mother to welcome Kasumi into her hearth, but it was the gift of Kasumi's freedom I was working towards. And if mother needed reassurance that Kasumi was as I had portraited her, that was reasonable.

Once I had secured the optional part of my plan, it was time to address the core of my plan. Neither Kasumi nor I could honorably abide a family with titular authority invested in Genma, and a family with Genma would indefinitely postpone the next generation even if it didn't lose the current one. And while a mass exodus was a distasteful possibility, the Saotome family would be better served by a putsch.

"Either Genma goes, or we all go."

.o0O0o.

My mother was a delightful contradiction. An almost pathological refusal to be disloyal to her husband coupled with a burning desire to off the bastard, either through Seppuku or through prolonged painful blood loss. I was able to secure her agreement to support the status quo, and to back me if I shifted it to my favor.

She also agreed to bank the coals of her anger until such time as I had played my plan out. So with her provisional support over the loss of her husband, and the temptation of an attention-starved fertile daughter to add to the family, I had secured my first ally.

The next stage was unnecessary to my overall plan. True, it would facilitate the manipulations of the fathers, but it was hardly necessary. It was attempted merely to increase the happiness of my mother, Kasumi, and I.

I managed to buttonhole Kasumi during one of her shopping trips. After securing her company at a tea shop, I tried to determine if Kasumi was amenable for inclusion in my plans. The first thing I needed was to ascertain her compliance with the condition my mother added.

Unfortunately the embarrassed Ranma that Kasumi had known for months required several minutes of hemming and hawing before being able to ask an embarrassing personal question like, "If you could, do you want to eventually marry someone and have children?"

Had I actually been the brainless git she took me for, I might have worded it similarly enough to a proposal. But while I still had to sound like someone with an elementary school planning ability, I was using my intellect to drive my desires forward.

After eliciting a flustered reply in the affirmative from Kasumi, and a weakened smile as her sunny disposition was reminded of things others kept her from achieving, I could finally make my pitch.

"I'm working on a plan ta clear Nabiki, but it's taking on a life of its own. I got my mother to agree, and, well, you know how my mother wants to be surrounded by grandkids? She agreed that if you wanted children of your own, we should include you. It seems my mother doesn't mind if she's spoiling my children or yours."

"But, Ranma." Kasumi was obviously trying to conceal the pain I was causing her in considering her plight. "I'm not in a position to even pursue a relationship. I can't get out of the house often enough to even meet someone, much less date."

"I want your help deceiving our parents. If you are willing, and I can get everyone else to agree to their parts, you can go back to school. And while you're attending college you'll meet many eligible bachelors. A few might even be good enough people to date you."

"What would I have to do?"

"Pretend to reluctantly agree to marry me due to family honor. I swear on my own honor that when it's all over, there won't be a marriage."

"But what about Akane?"

"She may or may not know about it until after it's all over. But when it's finished she'll have the right to date anyone she wants, or avoid them. We won't be engaged."

"What are you planning on doing?"

"If you agree, I'll tell you and mom everything, otherwise I need you to be surprised if I don't have your help."

"You mean you'll do it anyway?"

"Yep. I've got to do it to get Nabiki's charges dropped. If you don't want to be a part of this, I'll keep you out of it. But I could use your help, and you could use a social life."

"But why do we have to trick our fathers?"

"Because they insist I rescue Nabiki, but refuse to give me anything to bargain with. I can't even offer to sacrifice myself for Nabiki, as they've forbidden that. If I don't trick them, Nabiki will either be arrested or in hiding, and I'll be blamed for only doing everything they've allowed!"

"But surely you can convince the fathers..."

Ranma interrupted "That's the first thing I tried. They don't wanna know. The fathers and Akane have decided that since the Amazons are in Japan because of me, then it's my fault Nabiki turned to a life of crime. And since I've always succeeded before, they don't see a need to help me now. Well, I can succeed, but not under the restrictions they've given me, and not by telling the truth. Now, given the choice of me deceiving the fathers or me deceiving Cologne, which would you try?"

Kasumi was silent for so long I thought I'd blown my chance to sway her. Only the indecision warring in her eyes, as her conscience tried to untangle the mess, gave me hope. But finally she acquiesced.

Now that I'd secured my allies, and fortified my own position, it was time to bargain for Nabiki's pardon.

I was honest with Kasumi when I pointed out that I had no plan to deceive Cologne. I planned to offer her something that she wanted in good faith in exchange for pardoning Nabiki. Of course it would be valueless to me.

I had to refuse point blank to return to China with them. I truthfully told the Chinese contingent that I was forbidden to offer them myself for Nabiki. But their interest was peaked when I offered to deceive the fathers in order to make Cologne an offer for the pardon of Nabiki.

I made clear that the parents were willing to accede nothing. But with Cologne's help, I could convince the parents to end all of my engagements forever, leaving Shampoo with the best claim; such as it was.

I brought out a contract which stated explicitly that if all the engagements were broken, each and every one of the Chinese amazons would drop all charges against Nabiki.

She saw no reason not to sign, especially since even if the charges were dropped, she still had Nabiki locked up in cursed form for a future bargaining chip. A fact that had still escaped me.

I told her that as long as she allowed me to lie about the contract she'd signed; I'd be able to use her demands as the leverage I needed to end the engagement. In order to feel superior she told me I had a week to try it.

I could have probably done it in a few hours, but I took my time, and made sure of my success.

Now it was time to coach my allies, and explain the necessities of my actions. I could have kept them totally in the dark, but they deserved to enter into this with eyes open.

While waiting for Kasumi to find an excuse to visit mother's house, I arranged a pair of legal documents. Luckily, the Japanese civil ceremony is primarily centered on the transfer of a person from one family to another. The entering and leaving a family is considered of greater significance than the bond between the two people.

This is gradually changing in to line with the European countries, where clan is just a connected collection of nuclear families. But in Japan, the contract to marry Kasumi into the Saotome family is superficially similar to a contract to adopt her as my sister.

As the head of the adopting family, Genma had to be extensively mentioned in the contract as well. It would take a smarter man than him to notice the papers also covered his adoption as a Tendo.

Like a real wedding contract, mine needed the signatures of Kasumi, myself, and our three parents to be legal. But mine did not leave Genma as head of the family, but put him in the Tendo family under Soun.

The other contract specified that Genma took full responsibility for all pre-existing contracts regarding myself, and for everything arising from our training trip. It also gave up all rights to make future contracts. This contract made no attempt to conceal its nature.

Eventually I told Kasumi and my mother my full intentions, and convinced them both of its necessity. The fact that my plan's realization would pardon Nabiki quieted Kasumi's conscience over leaving her family.

Mother waited by the phone to meet us at the city hall offices. Kasumi went back to the house to wait for her lines. And I found Akane and told her someone thought they saw Nabiki hiding in the high school principal's Hawaiian themed rooms. I forbade her from going with me to rescue her after I went to tell the fathers.

Thus insuring her absence, I lied to the fathers. I told them that Cologne agreed to pardon Nabiki if they agreed to end the engagement between Akane and me.

They heaped abuse on me for considering such a plan until I told them I had thought they could have ended the engagement until the pardon went through. This they thought was a capital idea, until I told them it would never work. If I showed up at the cafe without an engagement, my feet wouldn't touch ground before the church in the Jhoketsuzoku village. If only I could break the AKANE engagement and still be engaged.

This was Kasumi's cue to serve tea. If the fathers couldn't come up with the plan, I'd have to be still less subtle. Luckily my father's veniality rose to the surface. We'll engage him to Kasumi or Nabiki.

Both fathers discarded Akane's claim immediately. I pointed out that Kasumi and Nabiki were not martial artists, and even if I watched them constantly, I couldn't protect them. They'd only be safe from the Amazons once we were married.

From that point on there was nothing they would consider besides our immediate marriage. Nabiki being indisposed, Kasumi was forced to be the bride. As Akane would interrupt a religious ceremony, a civil one would have to do.

I mentioned in passing that I'd help mom behead dad if she weren't at my wedding, so a phone call assured that she'd be there.

Once we were all gathered together, I mentioned the other engagements my father made. Soun readied his demon head, and asked if I were considering jilting Kasumi at the altar.

With Nodoka and Kasumi backing me up, I produced the two contracts. "I will sign this," holding up the misleading adoption form, "only if you two sign this."

Genma tried to bluster, and Soun tried to look righteous and put upon, but with mother's katana, and Kasumi's disapproving frown over my shoulder they didn't have much luck. Genma might have tried to run if his plans weren't so close to fruition.

Eventually their greed made them sign as they whispered to each other ways to get around it once I was safely married.

Then, with a show of reluctance, I was the last to sign the adoption forms. After winking at my sister and mother, I sulked while we waited for the forms to be filed.

Once that was done, mother drew her Katana, and informed the fathers that the newlyweds were moving in with her for now. The three of us had agreed to sit on the truth until Akane and Cologne were taken care of.

We let the fathers flee the chore of helping Kasumi pack her belongings so that they could celebrate by getting drunk. Meanwhile we met Akane at the Tendo home.

Honestly, we tried to break it to her as gradually as we could. After all, we didn't want her to think her sister and I betrayed her by getting married.

"Congratulations!" I cried out. "Your father just legally adopted my father as his brother! Genma Tendo is now your uncle!"

"What?" she screamed.

Kasumi reiterated. "Yes, we just got back from city hall, where Genma was removed from the Saotome registry and incidentally his marriage, and he was put onto the Tendo registry as Daddy's parent's son."

"So, Ranma's my cousin?"

"Cousin-in-law. But since Genma's adoption has united the two schools, Tendo honor is satisfied. You can marry anyone you want."

Akane apparently interpreted this as an act of breaking our engagement to marry so that I might marry someone else. "Fine! Go marry your floozies!"

"Nope! Not gonna! Before he got himself adopted, he agreed to full responsibility towards the families he engaged me to. I'm free of all the engagements. Technically he even agreed to take responsibility with the Amazons, but of course they'll ignore that."

"So what happens now?"

"Well, because we did this, Cologne is contractually guaranteed to drop the charges on Nabiki. So after we tell Cologne, we can take Cologne's contract to the police and they'll rescind the arrest order on Nabiki."

"So you made Uncle Genma really into my uncle; all the engagements are gone; Nabiki will be a free woman. What else did I miss?"

Kasumi blushed. "I'm not sure if this is the right time to mention this. Daddy let Auntie Nodoka adopt me, so I'm now Ranma's sister."

"But you're my sister!"

"Of course! And I'm Nabiki's sister. It's just that I'm now also Ranma's sister."

"But he's my fiancee! I mean my cousin."

"Cousin-in-law, and your older sister's younger brother."

"That's insane!"

I dropped my voice an octave lower than normal, and tried to make my breathing sound slightly asthmatic "Akane, I am your father!"

Akane passed out.

I grinned sheepishly at the two annoyed older women. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't resist."

A little later Akane awoke to my off-key rendition of "My brother's mother is my mother too." She woke up angry. "I don't believe all of that!"

Nodoka mediated. "Ranma is not your father. The rest is true. Here are photocopies of the legal documents involved."

"But how could Daddy trade Kasumi for Genma?"

"Easy." I prevaricated. "He treated Kasumi as an unpaid domestic, and treated Genma as a learned and honored guest. Mom and I hope Kasumi will pursue her dreams, maybe go to college. We hope Genma will stop stealing from us. Both families traded trash for gold. I always wanted a sibling!"

"Ranma!" Nodoka turned to Kasumi. "I apologize for Ranma's description of Soun's feelings towards you."

"I'm sorry if I upset ya. I'll try not ta mention it again, but I'm not gonna pretend he treated you like you deserved."

"You just wanna use Kasumi to do the Saotome housework!"

Seeing how Akane was just lashing out, I matched her in tone and volume. "For ten years on my training trip I did all the cooking and cleaning! Pop couldn't be bothered. For ten years mom did all the work at her home! If Kasumi does start college she'll probably wind up doing less than a third of the work around our home. Everyone in our family can do whatever needs doing, and if Kasumi is busy with her classes, she won't have time for housework."

I caught myself wondering why I was bothering to argue with Akane, now that I'm no longer bound to her through an engagement. Part of it was almost invariably force of habit. There's no way to go from one state in a relationship to another without a period of adjustment.

But examining how I felt, I'd have to say I was angry with Akane while feeling protective of Kasumi. I've felt protective of Kasumi before; who wouldn't when living in a house with only two non-combatants, where one of them was the only person to consistently care for others.

But somehow, having intentionally endeavored to make my sister-figure into my actual sister, made me feel so much more protective of her. I thought I had always treated her as I would a real sister; I didn't think I would care any more or less after the family shuffling.

Apparently I invested more of myself in this family construction project than I had imagined. I collected the most supportive people I knew to form a family for myself. So any attack against them is an attack on my opinions and mores.

But Akane was obviously accusing me based on what she'd have done in my position. She was picked up after for her whole life, so of course she'd see adopting Kasumi as a move to acquire a housekeeper. She wasn't empathic enough to see that all three of us were used to doing the chores. All three of us would rather not have to do them all, but we understand the work required so we couldn't just dismiss the sacrifice someone else was making and dump all the work on them as if it were nothing.

Akane also had yet to realize she couldn't lose Kasumi as a sister unless she drove her away. Akane was angry and hurt by Kasumi leaving. She wasn't thinking about Kasumi's welfare yet. When she did she'd feel ashamed for having taken advantage of Kasumi and guilty for not helping her escape. And like in the past when she felt guilty, she always had sublimated her guilt and shame into outwardly directed anger.

Before she reached that stage, I wanted the old men to be around to deal with the mess. And before that, I wanted Nabiki back; I still had to live past telling her about the family swap. She wasn't going to take it well.

Ukyou wasn't going to take losing the engagement well, either. But hopefully she would realize that I was going to treat her the way I always had. The only changes that had happened were the new betrayal by Genma, and the ending of any attempts of Ukyou to compel me to behave the way she wanted against my will. If she wasn't able to get past that problem, we should not have ended together.

The shattering of all the engagements would have happened sooner or later. I wouldn't have let any fiancee marry me while under the delusion that I was no smarter than my father. And there was no way I would have dropped my disguise while still vulnerable to demands from my imbecilic ex-parent. So in a very real sense, my father was the lynchpin which prevented me from furthering my relationship with any female, although not quite in the manner with which I'd described to my mother.

So as soon as I could convince the Tendos that I was free from their compulsions, and compel the Amazons to accord me some basic human rights, I could start dating without deception. And I'd certainly accept an honest offer from Ukyou to date. Whether it would lead to anything would depend as much on her as I.

But first, I had to deal with the smartest of the Tendos. So it was time to see Cologne about dropping the charges on Nabiki. While I was considering the previous argument, Akane had made some new accusation. Perhaps it was the same one; I couldn't be asked to really listen. So when she finished her bile-filled thought, I ignored it, and said "It's time we went to the Nekohanten to rescue Nabiki."

"You didn't answer my question!"

I didn't have any idea what she had asked. "I'm not going to waste time arguing with you. Do you plan to follow us to the Nekohanten, or are you going to spread the word that Nabiki can come home in an hour or two? It might take that long to get the charges officially dropped. And even after that happened, it did Nabiki no good if she thought she needed to keep hiding."

I could see Akane didn't want to give up the argument. I was sure that she'd follow us just to continue it as we walked. But once again, she surprised me by putting someone else before her desires. I'm sure I'm being unfair, she often puts others before her own desires; if she didn't, I wouldn't have maintained the engagement for so long. Unfortunately she also often puts her own desires first regardless of others.

I do have a theory to explain this discrepancy. Actually it's more like an untestable hypothesis than a theory. I believe that Akane's baser nature is extremely selfish; a spoiled brat. But she actually desires to be a truly good person. So when she realizes she has a choice between selfishness and selflessness, she chooses to behave altruistically. But because she's inherently selfish, and lacks empathy, she often doesn't notice an opportunity to do the right thing, or she lets anger cloud her mind.

If this is true, it makes Akane a more praiseworthy individual than Kasumi, who is selfless by nature, and finds caring for others easy. Akane works to overcome the devils within; too bad the devils too often win.

This is not to downgrade Kasumi. One doesn't become so selfless without work at training her own demons. Kasumi deserves praise for being the person she has become, and not backsliding; Akane deserves praise for constantly fighting to become better, even if she's doing such a poor job of it.

In any event, Akane left to begin the pointless task of trying to let Nabiki know it would be safe to return. Meanwhile we proceeded to within 20 feet of Nabiki's hiding place without realizing it.

Cologne was visibly shocked that I had managed to end the engagements. Once she recovered, she wasted no time before beginning her attack. "Well, son-in-law, now that you've ended your engagements, there's nothing keeping you from returning to China with Shampoo."

"There are several things keeping me from leaving; not the least of which is that I have to get Nabiki pardoned. We might discuss the rest some other time. Will you come to the police office with us to drop the charges?" We didn't need her presence. The contract alone would be sufficient, even if it would take longer for the police to react. Our visit to the Nekohanten was more of a courtesy call.

"I'll phone them to let them know. If you'll take the contract to them showing them I agreed to drop the charges that should be sufficient. I can't leave the cafe for that long at this time of day, and Shampoo and Mousse are out."

We accepted this because we had not been bothered by overanxious Amazons. We didn't know that Mousse was miles away, or that there was a duck locked up in the back. Fortunately the police were aware of the bizarre set of relationships in Nerima, so the three contracts were accepted as a full explanation relatively quickly.

I'd long known that the antics of the people surrounding me were considered free entertainment by the people of Nerima. I wasn't aware that this extended to the constabulary, whom I would have expected would be bothered by the illegality of many of the activities.

However they had apparently decided that until the activities of the martial artists were officially brought before their attention, they would exercise plausible deniability over our actions. By this manner they could avoid confronting the worst of the fighters who could decimate the police force.

We weren't above the law; but we were above investigation unless the officers were compelled to look into it. After all, how could the Neriman police maintain their 95 successful arrest statistics if they were required to track down and convict people like Happosai, Genma, Kuno, or Ryouga?

So the police could cancel their hunt for Nabiki, and consider it a misunderstanding. It didn't matter to them that Nabiki probably blackmailed others, or that Cologne obviously set Nabiki up, or that I had probably tricked my father into signing legally binding contracts. Officers that felt compelled to look into these things were assigned to look into things like the panty thief's crime wave. Smart officers ignored it.

So we thought Nabiki was safe, and proceeded to help Kasumi pack. The majority of her stuff would have to be moved by van, or over multiple trips, but her most prized possessions, and her clothes we could take over to the Saotome home before the fathers thought to object.

I didn't think the fathers would dare hold Kasumi's possessions hostage, but I wasn't going to risk it. Many of her belongings could have been replaced, a few were priceless. Those came with us, while the fathers celebrated their mistaken belief that I'd married Kasumi.

None of my plans preceding this would have been possible if Nabiki weren't missing. She would have balked at changing the engagement to Kasumi for all sorts of good reasons the fathers overlooked. She would have smelled a rat when I actually agreed to a wedding. She would have noticed the true contents of the contracts.

On the other hand, if Kasumi or Akane had been trapped by the Amazons, Nabiki would not have let the rest of the family leave me with my hands tied in rescuing her. So it wasn't pure luck that Nabiki would be indisposed when the fathers decided to leave me to hang in an impossible situation.

I knew that when Nabiki finally returned home, she'd realize what some of the others were only beginning to suspect. I couldn't be as dumb as I've acted. The others would briefly consider it, and then dismiss it as it brought too many disturbing possibilities to mind. They'll chalk up my recent actions to an anomaly of clear thinking.

But Nabiki wouldn't have dismissed the possibility. Then she'd start to wonder why I've behaved like an idiot. Why I let myself get manipulated so often in the past. And maybe she might even ask what it was that I was willing to suffer for in order to keep the others from discovering.

But now that I had swapped Kasumi for Genma, I could safely stonewall Nabiki. She couldn't lean on me through the threat of the fathers or Akane. She couldn't make my rivals any more annoying. All she could do is try to compel Kasumi to compel me to tell her.

So I felt I was ready for Nabiki's return. What I wasn't ready for was her continued absence. I wasn't prepared when the drunkard fathers returned before Nabiki did; so there was no mitigating calm intelligence when they told Akane that I'd married Kasumi.

She would prefer to believe I had betrayed her with her sister, rather than the possibility that Kasumi would rather be safe in my family instead of under the control of those two idiots. Remember if it hadn't been for me, Kasumi might have been forced to marry into that freak Chardin family due to Soun, and her father also forced her to endure the antics Genma and Happosai.

So while Kasumi was collecting university brochures, Akane confronted me over my apparent infidelity. But instead of the quick clobbering of me she had expected; I drew it out by dodging her constantly, while taunting her with the truth. "It was your father's idea that I should discard you and marry Kasumi. But of course you'll blame me just like you blamed me when HE engaged us. Still, he was too stupid to actually get me married to Kasumi. I showed you the paperwork, Kasumi's my sister. Your father was too drunk to know the difference between a sister and a wife."

Somehow she took this last statement as either a slight on her mother, or on Soun's overworking of Kasumi, because she just became angrier. I admit I lost my temper at that point. "If I wanted her for a wife, I'd have proposed to her myself! I'll marry whoever I want!" Then I stepped into her guard, and slapped her.

I don't know if she took this as rejection of her, of her skills, or of her assumption that I'd accept a beating, but she ran away distraught. I could have handled that better if I had forewarned her about how we'd deceived our fathers. But once she charged in to punish me, I had only three choices. Let her vent her frustration, take her down hard, or slap her. If I hadn't disabused her of her fantasies now, I would have had to eventually. She may be cute when she smiles, but she's hideous when she's lashing out in self-righteous anger.

I learned later that my mother calmed her down. She was... annoyed over my treatment of Akane, but she agreed that slapping her was preferable to cowering in fear, or using the Hiryu Shoten Ha. If Akane can't treat me like a person, she won't be treated like a friend, much less a girlfriend.

My mother claimed to agree, but still thought it was a poor way to treat a lady.

"If Akane were a lady she'd have believed me when I told her the truth instead of other people's lies. Heck, at least she should have heard me out! She's behaving like an armed and dangerous child who prefers seeing me as the guilty party. Maybe that's because she's scared if I'm right. Maybe she really cares for me, maybe not. But we aren't going to get anywhere if I coddle her or pretend her infantile tantrums are justified. When she behaves that way, she needs a spanking from her parents, but Soun won't do it. And if I do it, she'll consider it rape. I may have to do it eventually, regardless."

My mother asked me to try to find a better way to handle it in the future, and to save the slapping as a last resort. As I was already doing that, I readily agreed.

With Nabiki out of circulation, and the fathers dreading Ukyou's response, it fell to Akane to complain to Ukyou about "their common problem." Ukyou sought me out in full okonomiyaki battle garb. But unlike Akane, after she nearly took off my toes with a warning spatula shuriken shot, she waited for an explanation.

"First off, I've never married anybody. The fathers insisted I marry Kasumi, and I pretended to go along with it, but I switched the marriage certificate for adoption papers. Kasumi is now my sister, and I couldn't marry her now, even if I wanted to, which I don't.

"Second, in order to rescue Nabiki, the fathers agreed to end all engagements to me, including the Tendo's, yours, and Shampoo's, although Cologne denies it. Genma thought he was being clever, but he signed a legal form insisting he plans to take full responsibility for your dowry, and your years of revenge. Then I tricked him by adopting Kasumi as my sister, instead of my wife, and kicking Genma out of the clan. He's now Soun Tendo's brother."

"But what about us?"

"Nothing's changed. If you're willing to agree to the legality of the papers filed by the courts, and restrict your revenge to Genma Tendo, we can start going on real dates. If you plan to ignore the contracts Genma signed, or get revenge on me, we'll be fighting. Either way, I think of ya as a friend."

"But we're engaged!"

"Nope. Genma reneged on the engagement, and signed legal papers claiming full responsibility, plus giving up all rights past and future to engage me. Then he left our family. His promises were and are worthless. However, if you want to stay for dinner, I can ask mom to make enough for one more."

"No. I have to have some time to think about this. Why didn't you tell me this yourself?"

"I was hoping to get Nabiki back first, and deal with her anger over ditching Akane, stealing Kasumi, and dumping Genma on her. She's gonna do something for revenge even though it was all done to protect her. I wanted to get that out of the way before I started dating."

But it was Shampoo who became the first to ask me out. Granted she asked me out regularly without expecting me to agree. So she was somewhat surprised when I said yes.

In retrospect I should have insisted she show some discretion or decorum when it came to the other ex-fiancees, for she couldn't resist the urge to assert her superiority over the weakling Japanese women who vexed her so often in the past. Her taunting of Akane was either overheard or relayed to the Tendo brothers, who wasted no time in invading the Saotome home to take me to task over abandoning Kasumi.

While the moron's ignored everything in order to corner me, my family approached them from behind. Soun was just about to go into his demon-head, when Mom drew her sword and demanded they tell her why they invaded her house uninvited.

Genma puffed himself up with false importance, and claimed it was his house too.

His pompousness took a hit when all three of us Saotomes laughed at him. "This has always been my house. You lost all rights to enter uninvited when you signed our divorce papers, Genma Tendo."

Well, an unknown divorce trumps a rumored infidelity. We provided them with a copy of the adoption papers, but they proved incapable of reading what was written instead of what they expected to find there. We had to explain in meticulous detail that this wasn't a marriage certificate, but a double adoption with divorce form.

Most of their joint possessions had been in Nodoka's name, as mortgage payments, for example, can not be left to a traveling penniless martial artist to manage. Those possessions of Genma's that were still lying around the house I had put in escrow, pending Genma's resolving all of the commitments he had dumped on me, and then reaccepted.

If Genma claims inability to pay a court approved debt, those possessions of his we had can be sold off. If we gave them to Genma, they'd just disappear off of the court's radar.

Genma's first response was to claim the paper worthless. When Nodoka pointed out it had the same legal weight as their marriage contract, Genma backpedaled. His next move was to laugh as he destroyed the copy we let him read.

When we pointed out it was a copy, he demanded to know where the original was, we humored him pointing out we had no idea. After it was notarized and submitted to the courts it could be anywhere. It hardly mattered, as the changes to the family register had already gone through.

Bluff number three was that he'd just change it back, as head of the Saotome family. We had to point out in slow words that as he was no longer even on the Saotome register, he wasn't the head, and he lacked all legal power to do anything to it. Especially as he had been brought onto the family register because Nodoka had had no brothers to carry on the Saotome family name.

Then he went into his crying routine about having an ungrateful son, and asking why I did this to him.

I pointed out he left me no choice. They did demand Nabiki be exonerated, and this was the only way they left me. I also pointed out that if he didn't meet his promises, he needn't consider me his son much longer.

As he sputtered, I talked to my mother around him. "You see, mom, he kept telling me all through my childhood how I had to behave honorably. Now for the last few months I learned that while he was preaching this to me, he wasn't behaving honorably, himself. But as he used to be the head of the Saotome family there was no one to take him to task over it. Now that he's legally Soun's younger brother, his actions reflect on Soun, and it's Soun's responsibility to rein Genma in, otherwise the Tendo name will be mud. They are already in trouble, because Genma has to make amends with Ukyou. If Genma can't maintain the Tendo honor, I'll have to sever all ties with him."

"But the engagement to Ukyou is your responsibility!"

"No, Pop. It never was. And you signed a paper a few days ago agreeing that it was entirely your responsibility. A paper we've already filed with the courts, and supplied copies to Ukyou and her father." Genma's face had a look of horror as he stared metaphorically into the future. "Don't look so gloomy. It's not that awful. All you have to do is find a way to make restitution to a girl who has spent a decade hating you."

"You're not really married to Kasumi, you can marry Ukyou!"

"Even if I were to marry her tomorrow, it won't change a thing. The engagement was broken for the second time by your hand, and you've signed away all rights to engage me. You still owe her regardless of what I do. If I were to marry her, you'd then owe both of us the dowry you stole, and restitution for Ukyou's hardships. Cheer up, pop. No one's asking you to commit seppuku to make amends. At least not yet."

At this point, my mother asked "This has been an interesting conversation, but I ask again, how dare you break into our house uninvited? This is your cue to apologize, and politely leave. Or should we either call the police, or throw you out ourselves? Ranma, try to avoid the Hiryu Shoten Ha in the house, please."

.o0O0o.

Author's Notes:

At this point I had planned to end the "Ranma fixes his problems" part of the story, as in my mind, he had already succeeded. All that was left was to resolve the outstanding situations.

From this point on, keeping the characters acting believably dictated the rest of the story. However resolving the current situation lead to more confusion.

Ukyou is slightly marginalized in this story. I think the largest reason for that is my belief that if Ranma shattered his ties and started over with his fiancees, then Ukyou had the best chance to win Ranma. That means that these changes annoy/affect Ukyou only by destroying the status quo. She has little reason to be upset with the changes, and her taking advantage of the changes would occur after the end of the story.

Kodachi is completely marginalized, as her desires don't matter to anyone else, and she doesn't care what happens within reality. So there's no reason for her to appear unless the author wants her. 


	4. Chapter 4

It was obvious to even the meanest of intelligence that Soun and Genma wouldn't take my escaping their plans lying down. But since their previous plans included such past examples as threatening their own dojo so I could fall in love while fighting alongside Akane, I wasn't worried.

If they were to be any difficulty at all, it would be through the fathers allying themselves with someone dangerous. Until Nabiki returned, that would limit them to Happosai, Akane, or a rival. Now if they allied with Akane or a rival, all they'd do is pump them full of lies and empty promises and send them after me. They might try a sneak attack while I fought their cat's-paw.

Since I'm on the alert for attacks from that quarter anyway, their actions wouldn't matter. However they could ally with Happosai. Again, allying with Happosai means little more than directing him in my direction, but unlike the others, I wasn't expecting him to attack me for little or no reason.

After all, I've bested him too often for him to seriously attack me for no reason. He could still attack me with some new method, like he did with the strength weakening moxibustion; but if he didn't, I had topped each of his signature moves.

Well, he still thinks his happo dai karin are useful, and more versatile than my long range attack, the mouko takabisha. Fair enough, but his summoning bombs, sometimes four meters in diameter, has the same class of inherent dangers as Akane's hammers. The summoning would have been fatal to him by now if he weren't incorporating a second technique to drive off malevolent entities.

This second technique had been successful so far. However his aversion technique acted like a loud painful noise. While summoning a hammer might attract the attention of an entity, Happosai's technique guaranteed it, but he relied on the technique's unpleasantness to malevolent entities in keeping him safe.

There is a technique I've developed that should disrupt Happosai's firecracker summoning. But I had no idea what it would do to him. Originally my goal was to cause the bombs to explode while he summoned them. However my technique might prevent them from appearing altogether, or even eradicate his protection. If that happened then his fate would depend on the entity summoned.

I discovered the protection technique he was using after developing my counter. It seemed inconceivable that he could have survived so long while using such a dangerous technique, so I watched carefully while he deployed his technique.

Since I didn't know the results of my counter, I've avoided using it. That's not to say I wouldn't use it, but it wasn't just for casual use. All I'm trying to convey is that unless Happosai pulled out some new technique. I could defeat him without fail.

In retrospect it would have been wiser to issue Happosai with a formal challenge in order to maneuver him into a position where I knew I'd win. But I've always tried to avoid his presence. And summoning him to prove my mastery of the school was too similar to acknowledging him as my teacher.

But long before the Tendo brothers could have mislead an ally, I heard Ryouga shouting from outside the Saotome compound, "Damn it, Ranma. Where are you?"

Unwilling to leave my inevitable confrontation with Ryouga up to random chance, but also unwilling to allow him to damage my mother's home and its environs, I used the Umi-Sen-Ken to get to the opposite side of the street so that Ryouga was between me and my home. And while still cloaked, I held my hand before my mouth and dropped my tone to make it harder to pinpoint my location by sound. "If you fight me here, I'll make sure our next fight destroys your house instead."

"Show yourself!"

"Talk first, fight later."

"Fight me now!"

"Why?"

"You made Akane cry!"

"No. I mean why should I let you fight me?"

"You deserve to be punished!"

"I don't think so."

"Then let's settle this like men! Fight me!"

"Real men talk out their differences, and fight as a last resort."

"That's rich, coming from a girl like you!"

"And yet, I'm acting more like a real man than you. I'm warning you. If you start blowing up the street or firing Shi-shi Hokudans around here, then we can hold our next property destroying match in your living room. I've never done a Hiryu Shoten Ha inside of a building before. Now, are you willing to talk? I can lead us some place we can fight afterwards."

"What do we need to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know. How about what I've done that deserves punishment? Why do you think you have the right to administer it? And why I shouldn't just avoid you?"

"You've made Akane cry, and I'm the only one skilled enough to beat you up for it."

"Nope. Not good enough. It's not my responsibility to make sure my ex-fiancee is happy. And the actions that led to her losing our engagement involved alot of other people; people that I have no control over. Akane's crying is neither my responsibility nor my fault. So we have no reason to fight."

"You took Kasumi away from her family!"

"I allowed her to leave. It's not the same thing. As my sister she has the ability to find a life of her own. Surely you wouldn't dare suggest she should be forced against her will to cook and clean for the Tendos."

"You made Genma Akane's uncle!"

I couldn't help chuckling. "Alright, I'll admit that wasn't nice of me. However Soun can kick him out of the family and make him nameless whenever he wants. And it was Soun who officially adopted Genma as a brother, so if you don't like Genma being a Tendo, it's really Soun you aught to fight."

"You hurt Akane by agreeing to date Shampoo!"

"I will not base who I date on the ever-changing wishes of an ex-fiancee! Other people besides Akane have the right to seek better lives! Someone who hasn't even asked me on a date has no moral reason to resent it when I date someone else. She's had months to ask me out and she hasn't!"

"She deserves better than the way you've treated her!"

"What you think she deserves doesn't enter into it. The question is why should I allow you to try to bully me?"

"I'm not a bully!"

"You're trying to use force to get your own way. You're not trying to punish me, because I didn't do anything wrong. You're angry, and so someone else has to pay; in other words a classic bully."

"Fine! I challenge you to a fight!"

"Why? What do you want me to do if you win, become re-engaged to Akane? And what do you give up if you lose? Making it into a challenge doesn't change the fact that you're acting like a bully. Besides I'm tired of holding back in our fights. I never make use of your family curse or your Jhusenkyou curse when we fight, yet you have used every weakness you could find to try to beat me. Does that seem fair?" This was a mistake because he started glowing green with depression. I sighed. "Ok, Galahad. I'll lead you to a lot where we can fight."

Unsurprisingly after we arrived at the lot, Ryouga started our battle with his Shi-shi Hokudan. It's not a move that can win fights. If he does too well and starts to win, he becomes incapable of using the technique, and it takes a chunk of his stamina each time he uses it. Never-the-less, he hoped to use it to soften me up, and then when my speed was lessened, grapple with me.

Had he come up with a reason for me to fight him, I would have let him set the pace for the fight. But the only reason I agreed to fight him was to redirect the concomitant damage away from my neighborhood, so I didn't feel Ryouga deserved either my consideration or my time.

It was trivial to redirect Ryouga's depression into anger. For some one who relies so strongly on emotions for his attacks, you'd have thought he'd work at achieving an inner harmonious balance. Still, once his depression broke into anger, he lost all thought, and became a berserker charging to attack. So it was inevitable that he'd fall for the Hiryu Shoten Ha.

Having dealt with one Tendo launched guided missile, perhaps I might be forgiven for neglecting to prepare for the Tendo brother's upcoming attack. Instead I was expecting the imminent revenge of our blind bully, Mousse. Surely he wasn't going to permit me to date his beloved without a pre-emptive strike.

But the hour of our date approached, and still there was no sign of Mousse.

In a nod to the customs of Japan, and perhaps so that Cologne would have a chance to witness it, someone decided that I should pick up and drop off Shampoo at the Nekohanten. I have trouble believing that the idea originated with Shampoo, and I doubt Amazon custom has a chivalrous anachronism designed to protect the weaker female. Plus, I know for a fact that my mother and Cologne had a talk concerning what she would and would not allow in a girl dating her son.

I had related some of the tales of my fiancee's past efforts to win me over. My mother almost forbade my dating Shampoo until I reminded her of the stress the multiple engagements had on everyone, not to mention the father's actions. She agreed that everyone had been under unusual pressure, and combining that with culture shock forgave an awful lot. However that would no longer be considered an acceptable excuse for future indiscretions.

Never the less, I agreed to pick Shampoo up. No doubt the custom wasn't explained as an anachronistic acceptance of the weakness of women, but as an example of the devotion I was showing by being considerate of her.

Of course I entered the establishment waiting for an attack from the besotted paramour. But since Mousse was still abroad, we left the restaurant to the raunchy suggestion from Cologne, "Son-in-law, don't do anything I wouldn't do; and consider naming it after me."

Neither of us had any real experience in dating. We chose a restaurant at random from a phone book to throw off any plans to disrupt our date. None of our "friends" were renowned for thinking on their feet, so we were assured a peaceful dinner. The food was adequate, and the conversation better.

When I commented on the lack of Mousse, I expected to hear how Shampoo knocked him out earlier that evening. Instead she said he'd been gone since the day after Nabiki tried to blackmail Cologne. This seemed counterintuitive, as I'd assume Cologne would keep Mousse available during a tumultuous time like this.

Still, what Cologne did with Mousse was neither my interest nor my concern. After Shampoo explained away his lack of an appearance, his name wasn't mentioned again.

What a pair we made. Two people from different cultures going on our first completely voluntary date, both of us were maintaining false personas. Don't get me wrong, I had an enjoyable evening, as I'm reasonably sure she did. But it was obvious that she was projecting the kind of persona she thought I wanted to see. Happy, cheerful, and slightly dim.

I've only myself to blame, having masked my own intelligence for over a decade. As per my plan, since I'd broken ties with Genma, I was allowing my apparent intelligence to climb. But I was still limiting my apparent cognitive faculties to mimic an elementary school student.

So I couldn't tell her to drop her act, especially when I wasn't dropping my own. My reason for dropping my act slowly was to acclimatize others. I wouldn't be able to maintain plausible imbecility once Cologne and Nabiki thought over my recent actions. So as my cover was about to be blown, in the meantime I was going to gently let my friends and family adapt.

Still, I had a good time and enjoyed our walk in the park, although we studiously avoided the pond and the fountain. We made it throughout the entire night without needing the thermos of hot water I'd brought.

When we returned to the Nekohanten, she obviously wasn't expecting to actually get a goodnight kiss. So my hug, and kiss on the lips left her completely pole axed. I wish it were due to the passion of my kiss instead of the unexpectedness of it, but any time I leave a girl stunned from an intimate kiss, I'll chalk it up to a successful kiss.

She looked so cute standing there stunned, that I gave her another quick peck on the forehead before disengaging our arms, and wishing her a good night.

When I got home that evening, Mom and sister Kasumi apparently decided it didn't matter if I was male, we three were going to gossip about the date.

I could tell Kasumi was genuinely happy for me, as well as trying to mask sadness over how Akane might feel. Most of my date sounded boring to me as I described it, even though I enjoyed it. But momma and sis hung on my every word as if it were prime entertainment.

When I described Shampoo's expression to my goodnight kiss, they both laughed. I joined them when Kasumi pointed out that five minutes after I left she was probably kicking herself for failing to tear off my shirt and begin making out with me on the spot.

Mom asked me for my overall impression of the date. I hesitated, before taking a chance and mentioned how even though I enjoyed it, it would never work out if Shampoo can't drop her mask on subsequent dates.

After swearing them to silence, I told them how she was acting as she thought I'd want, and not being true to herself. Mom said that it was a common problem, especially for people under alot of expectations who haven't had a chance to figure out who they are. Mom was looking at Kasumi in an obvious warning, leading Kasumi to blush, and stammer how she'd try to avoid making the same mistake.

Neither of them, apparently, realized that applied also to me.

Now that I've intentionally kissed someone, all of the loons had to express their opinions.

Akane specialized in hurt anger. "I heard you kissed Shampoo!"

Remembering Shampoo's pole axed expression, I'm afraid I grinned. "Twice!"

"How could you?"

"If you're asking for a demonstration, try asking me when you're not angry. If you're asking why I didn't ask anyone for permission first, then you need to grow up. I kiss whoever I want, when I want; provided I think my partner would like it. I'm not Mikado Sanzenin."

"But what about us?"

"We'll always have Paris. What do you mean, 'us?' We were once engaged against our wills. We lived together, and I'd consider dating you if you wanted to. That's the extent of 'us.' I'm not ready to enter a long-term monogamous relationship with you or anyone else at this time."

"You're as bad as Kuno!"

"How dare you! I'd never pursue anyone who didn't reciprocate. I don't grope anyone, and I don't go around trying to use my martial arts to compel others to do what I want! If that's what you think of me, then we have nothing further to discuss." I waited for an apology, even though I didn't expect one. I think Akane realized she was in the wrong, but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. In the past this would have been enough. "Fine, here's another way I differ from Kuno. I no longer desire to be associated with someone who makes such accusations, and can't apologize. Goodbye."

It was at this point I began to notice something odd about Nabiki's absence. She had been gone too long, and too many things had happened for her not to have heard about it, and returned.

Approaching some of the girls Nabiki regularly hung around with revealed that they had a very familiar inability to even consider the name Nabiki. I quickly phoned Kasumi, and relayed my misgivings and my findings, asking her to wait on informing the Tendos until I had a chance to talk to Cologne without their interference.

When I pointed out that Nabiki's friends were behaving the same way Akane did after the memory erasing Shampoo, she said, "Well spotted. They conspired with Nabiki to blackmail us, so we erased their memory of us and Nabiki."

"Well, I can understand why you blanked their minds of whatever was being used to blackmail you. But now that you've pardoned Nabiki, shouldn't you restore their memories of Nabiki? After all, they are classmates."

"I agreed to drop all charges with the police. I never said I pardoned her blackmail attempt."

"You mean you intend to punish her yourself?" At her lack of contradiction, I asked "That's why she hasn't returned now that the police aren't looking for her? If you planned to punish her yourself, you never planned to turn her over to the police?" Again she didn't correct me. "Then the charges you've filed were a bluff to cover her disappearance when you kidnapped her."

"Now, son-in-law, that's a pretty circumstantial argument."

"So which part of it's untrue? Kidnapping is more serious than blackmail. You'd better return her."

"You couldn't prove it to the authorities, and you'd better not presume to order me around."

"You have no right to hold her!"

"She tried to blackmail me."

"She's not subject to your judgment. She's not an Amazon! We have independent judges for deciding suitable punishments. Kidnapping isn't one of them."

"We decide our own punishments!"

"If you really believed you had the right to do that, you'd have told the police instead of trying to conceal your illegal kidnapping. If Nabiki deserves punishment shouldn't her family been informed what happened to her? Doesn't she deserve a trial?"

"She had a trial; I spent half a minute debating what to do. We don't bother with all of the palaver your court system uses to drag things out."

"So you're a kidnapper and a despot for your people. And you deceive people you want to bring into your tribe. I can't imagine how you treat the people who actually live with you."

"That's hardly the way to refer to your own people, son-in-law."

"You're mad if you think I'd put myself in that situation."

"You will if you want Nabiki returned."

"You're mad!"

"Think it over."

I was heading back to home to tell the only two people I felt I could count on, when Shampoo glomped me. "Airen! We go on another date?"

I was in the soul of ice to avoid taking out on Shampoo my anger. She noticed my seriousness when I told her to let go of me. When I told her about her Grandmother kidnapping Nabiki and holding her hostage to blackmail me into returning to China, she blanched. "So in exchange for Nabiki's attempted blackmail, she already received the end of all of my engagements, plus she's engaged in kidnapping, erasing the memory of others, and now she's using Nabiki as a hostage to blackmail me. What do you think I should do to Cologne?"

At this point, no one knew of the Jhusenkyou curse Cologne had hit Nabiki with.

Shampoo was quietly repeating to herself, "No... No... No..." It was obvious that all of this was news to her.

"I'm going home to talk to my family about this. You'd better come along."

For Shampoo everything had been moving along beautifully. She had more of a relationship with me than any other non-family female. Bad enough her Grandmother was trying to force the issue at the wrong time, but if her grandmother was breaking these laws, she's obviously planning to cut all ties to Japan.

"Shampoo, I can never join your tribe if it means someone else can just decide I'm guilty and punish me if she feels like it. If we do have a relationship, either the Amazons have to change, or our relationship has to be held away from the Amazons. We can't change all of the Amazons, so if we do get married, we won't be returning to China."

There. The inevitable death knell of her dreams. But no one's dreams in Nerima included room for what I wanted, and I didn't have room before for dreams of my own.

When Shampoo and I told Mom and Kasumi the situation, Kasumi asked "What can we do?"

"We have options. But none of them are good. We can go to the police, but we haven't any evidence. And Cologne could probably make Nabiki disappear for good if necessary. We can go along with her demands, but we have no proof she'd release Nabiki; and before we got to China, I'd probably either have to kill someone, or myself. Finally, I can fight her. If I fight her all out, at least one of us won't survive."

"You think you can kill Great-grandmother?"

"I know some lethal attacks that I'm sure she doesn't know, and I doubt she'd even recognize until it was too late. Her only defense would be killing me before I finished. Think of it like a shiatsu attack, only made from a distance. Oh, and it can't be blocked, only dodged. And a near miss works pretty well. Ok, it's nothing like shiatsu. Think of it as a phantom hand grenade. With shrapnel and thermite. Boy, do I suck at metaphors."

My similes were horrible because I didn't want even a clue getting out about what I could do, but my allies needed to know that it was a fatal unblockable distance attack. Also I'd been appearing too educated; hence the confusion of the word metaphor where I meant simile. Everyone knew Ranma wouldn't recognize a simile unless it challenged him to a martial arts contest.

After my mother pointed out my swearing, but didn't think it worth trying to correct my grammar. I explained. "My point was that if I have ta fight her, it's going ta be a battle to the death. The only times I beat her was when she was testing me. For example she gave up when I used the neko-ken because I proved that I would even face my greatest fear if it meant winning. She recognized it immediately and probably knew its weaknesses. Even if she didn't; she does now."

"You know? I was ordered not to tell, and then trained incase you ever attacked me after I put you into the neko-ken."

"I don't want to have to kill anyone! I'd rather leave Nabiki where she is for a little longer, and look for an opportunity to free her without killing."

Kasumi suggested, "If Mousse is away on errands, and Shampoo is here, then Cologne is taking care of Nabiki, as well as her restaurant. Can't we make use of the fact that she's somewhat overstretched?"

Momma caught on. "Shampoo, did Cologne give you any orders that would prevent you from spending time with my son and me? What if I invited you to stay here for the next few days?"

"It's an opportunity to attract Ranma, right? Cologne said attracting Ranma is more important than running restaurant, so if it's a good opportunity, I don't even need to phone home. She'll be furious afterwards but can not blame me."

"OK. She's now without help. How do we overstretch her still further?"

"Kasumi, can you convince Soun to challenge Cologne for the release of Nabiki? Tell him any reason you like for me being unavailable for the next few days, but that you discovered that Nabiki's being held hostage, and challenge Cologne to a public fight. Say, at the school soccer field. I can steal an idea of Kodachi and Happosai by spreading leaflets around town, forcing them not to back out. When Cologne is at the field, Shampoo and I hit the restaurant for a rescue."

"The restaurant is trapped. Mostly cold water to keep Mousse and I out of certain areas, but also Happosai traps."

"We'll bring hot water. If something goes wrong, Mom and Kasumi can contact Happosai and Genma for either a last minute rescue or to cause confusion. We can't rely on them, but if someone tells them there are undefended things to steal, Shampoo's lingerie and Cologne's treasures, Happosai will strike, and he'll bring Genma along to carry, as a decoy, or as a sacrificial scapegoat."

"How will we know something's wrong?"

"Kasumi can watch the school, Mom can watch the Cafe from outside, and all four of us keep in touch by radio."

"Radio?"

"Hey, I'm not trapped in the 19th century. Even with Genma's upbringing, I did learn about technological advances. I don't like them, because I prefer to fight things head on. But this time Soun is doing the fighting, and I'm doing what Genma taught best. Snatching something valuable while someone else gets beat up. It's the heart of the Anything Goes School. Not that they tell their students that."

When Kasumi phoned up her father, the first thing Soun did was demand to know where Ranma was. Kasumi prevaricated that I was away on a training trip. But that what was more important was that Cologne had kidnapped Nabiki.

Never quick to change tracks, Soun immediately insisted that I fight Cologne. Kasumi raised the anger in her voice, pointing out that Nabiki needed rescuing immediately, and there was no way to find me in time.

When he said, "But, Kasumi..." she snapped.

"It's your job to rescue your daughter right away. How could you even suggest that we wait so you can try to force her sister's ex-fiancee to fight for her!"

"But they're Amazons. That makes it his responsibility."

"It doesn't matter. You're going to fight Cologne at two o'clock on the school soccer field. I've already delivered your challenge for you, and leaflets are being scattered over the neighborhood. If you don't show up, the Tendo School will be dishonored. Neither Akane nor Ranma can fight in your place." With that, she slammed down the telephone.

She turned to us, and almost wept, "I thought he had become better since Ranma and Genma arrived; he was more active. But he's just become more incapable of doing anything. He leans on Ranma to do anything dangerous, and he relies on Genma backing him up for courage and support."

After we had spent a while comforting her, Kasumi phoned Cologne to deliver Soun's challenge, while I left to photocopy and scatter the leaflets my mother had created, which outlined the combatants, the kidnapping, and that the honor of the dojo was at stake.

After all that planning, the execution was surprisingly easy. Cologne showed up alone at the soccer field. Soun opened with his demon-headed attack, but as it was just a variation of Happosai and Genma's giant aura technique and Happosai's fear attack, Cologne had a counter-method that left her completely unaffected.

Not expecting her to be unaffected, Soun fell to a simple blow to the head. Kasumi radioed in the end of the fight to us, and then engaged Cologne in conversation.

Meanwhile when Cologne had arrived at the school, we had started our break-in by Shampoo unlocking the door. I assured Shampoo that we'd disguise her help by locking the door on the way out, and then I'd smash the lock in. Always postpone any unavoidable noise to the running away stage. The kitchen, dining room, and Shampoo's room didn't need to be searched. But that left Mousse's room, Cologne's room, the store room, and the private room in the basement. Nabiki was most likely in the last, but it was also the most heavily protected.

I insisted on searching Mousse's room while Shampoo searched the storage room. Mousse's dabbling in unnatural topology meant he might have either traps or paraphernalia of an esoteric nature, which I might detect, but that Shampoo probably would not. I did find a number of Shinto wards of questionable effacy apparently designed to drive off evil entities, so perhaps Mousse wasn't unaffected by the side effects of his art as he appeared. But any dangerous works were missing or well hidden. I didn't have much time to search.

We had our reunion in front of Cologne's door when the fight between Cologne and Soun had ended. We'd propped an open Thermos of hot water down the hall in case Shampoo was hit by cold water. When I failed to hit the proper catch while opening the door, I not only got a face full of water, but the sprinkler system doused the whole building. An alert, trap, and a record of attempt all rolled into one. Had Mousse or Shampoo tried to sneak into the matriarch's room, their attempt would have almost surely been revealed.

Cologne's room was spartan, and while her cupboards and closets contained interesting items, they didn't have Nabiki.

.oO0Oo.

Author's Notes:

Shampoo is spending the most time of all of the ex-fiancees with Ranma. If it weren't for their disguising themselves around each other, Shampoo would be the most likely romantic match for Ranma in this story.

However, Ukyou could easily overtake her once Ukyou starts dating Ranma.

Akane has always been depicted in canon as being ill equipped to dealing with changes in the status quo, so she's going to hurt her own position until she accepts the recent changes.

Kodachi is still insane. 


	5. Chapter 5

The last room left to search was one that Cologne had explicitly forbidden everyone from entering.

As we had no idea what traps we'd face, I slashed the door at hinges and lock with vacuum blades. Right after I did that, Kasumi signaled that Cologne had bugged out. We later learned that when a device she carried started beeping, Cologne's eyes opened wide, and she rudely left Kasumi in mid sentence.

Subtlety be damned, I blasted the door with a ki blast, and ran over where it fell on the floor. Had we time, I'd have looked around and possibly endeavored to put some of these items "beyond use," but instead, we immediately concentrated on the occupied cage "belonging" to Mousse, and the duck inside it.

"Mousse! I thought you were in China!"

When the duck shook its head while quacking, I asked "Nabiki?" To which she nodded. "OK. Time to leave the way we came in. If asked, I did this break-in alone without Shampoo's knowledge."

I managed to smash in the front door as I'd earlier promised while Shampoo took Nabiki, cage and all, to mom, and then back to the house.

I gave them 15 seconds where I might be caught by Cologne incase she might see our departure. I was going to get her attention with a ki blast, to hopefully distract her from seeing Shampoo, before making a run for it.

Luckily this proved unnecessary. Then I went to a rooftop, and hid until Cologne entered. For a moment, I was sorely tempted to drive her insane and blow up the store's propane tanks. Then I fled by a different route home.

I arrived home to hear Nabiki screaming at someone, "She turned me into a damned duck!"

I barked back at her, "You got off lucky."

"How can you call this lucky?" she screamed.

"You were also filmed blackmailing Cologne and charges were filed with the evidence while you were being held hostage. There was also a chance Cologne would have killed you to cover up her using you as a hostage. We got the charges dropped, rescued you, and saved your life. Being a duck is getting off lightly."

She paled when I'd mentioned the filming. The shock derailed her fount of invectives over the situation. I continued, "As soon as Kasumi gets here, we'll go over everything that's happened recently."

"I'd like to go home, and change into some of my own clothes." She was currently wearing some of my clothes, as Kasumi and Mother were too tall for her. And besides, ill-fitting boys clothes cinched to fit looked much less bizarre than an ill-fitting dress. In some parts of Tokyo, Nabiki would be considered fashionably dressed. I refuse to speculate on her underclothes, though.

"Sorry, you'll have to wait for Kasumi. With a Jhusenkyou curse, you could be kidnapped by Cologne using just a super-soaker."

"Why would she kidnap me again?"

"To cover up her earlier kidnapping and cursing you, and to hold you hostage just like the first time."

"You've got to stop her!"

"And how do you suggest I do that? Are you asking me to kill her? For you? We're going to wait here for Kasumi; then we're going to explain to you all that's happened, and then maybe we'll accept suggestions on what to do next." I turned to my mother and Shampoo. "I was busy watching out for possible pursuit. Did Kasumi get roped into carrying Soun back to the dojo?"

"No. Genma's carrying him. Akane complained, but Kasumi is on her way over."

"OK, while we wait, Shampoo, do you have enough shampoos to handle Nabiki's lieutenants?"

"What about my lieutenants?"

"Everyone you gave your blackmail information to can no longer remember the Amazons or you. I'd like to restore their memory, at least of you. But we may have to resuppress their memory of the blackmail material."

"I have enough of both shampoos. I grabbed enough from stockroom when I looked for Nabiki there."

Ranma winced. "Good idea. But if Cologne checks, we might not be able to hide your involvement. If there's a problem, we'll make up some story about you bribing me for a date if you fixed their memories. Since Cologne never told you she kidnapped Nabiki, it's not your fault if you restored their memories of Nabiki as long as the blackmail's still suppressed. Was the shampoo marked well enough that I could have found it?"

"You could have found the shampoo. The bottle's clearly labeled, but you couldn't have gone to just open the right box they're in."

"OK, we hope she doesn't notice their absence. If she does, you got them before the break-in."

When Kasumi arrived, we started on the explanations, chronologically, as we knew it at the time, so Nabiki could clearly see the reasons for the decisions we made.

"Our fathers left me with no way to get you off the hook. None. I would have had to fail to rescue you, and then be blamed for it. So I tricked them."

I outlined the deal I made with Cologne, pointing out how no one but Cologne knew at the time that Nabiki wasn't just hiding from the police. When I revealed that Genma was now Soun's brother, Genma Tendo, and Kasumi was my sister, Kasumi Saotome, Nabiki flipped, and we had to repeat our reason's several times.

Then she asked for the real reasons. I came clean. I pointed out that Genma had to be on a different register than I, and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of leaving either the family or my mother. I also pointed out that Soun could kick Genma out altogether if the Tendo family did not want him, but that he couldn't return to ours.

I also pointed out that Kasumi was no longer required to maintain the house, but had received applications to universities, allowing her to regain much of her life lost to housework.

I pointed out how the family honor was satisfied by Genma becoming a Tendo, even though both of them signed a form freeing me from obligation. No one expected them to abide by it. I also pointed out that with Akane and me in different families, I could still date my half-cousin-in-law if we wanted to.

"And you left me in the house with two house-wreckers, and a head of the family who gives into their every whim?"

"You were unavailable for comment. How could we have gotten your signature? We were rescuing you, remember? Besides you still have the options to leave, or to try and fix things, instead of letting me be forced to fix everything. You may even discover a talent for housework."

"That's not funny!"

"If you four adults can't maintain a house, what makes you think I want to be associated with it? You snickered when Akane cooked for me when you know that after years of traveling, I'm a decent cook, myself. Because, like Kasumi, from a very early age I was expected to do the cooking, packing, and tidying, since my father thought it was beneath him. Well, now it's time for at least one of you four to learn. Just wait until Genma insults your cooking, and then claims he's doing it to help you get better at it, 'After all, how are you going to improve if I don't insult you?'"

"That's insane!"

"Yup. Insane, inane, unsound, inevitable. Sorry."

Mother interrupted at that point. "Much as I enjoy this look at the dysfunctional parts of our family lives, we still haven't informed Nabiki what has happened since the swapping of Genma for Kasumi."

So I went back into raconteur mode, glossing lightly over the arguments with Akane, Ukyou, and the Brothers Tendo until I reached the ultimatum from Cologne. Then I went into as much detail as I could until we reached the present.

"Now, we have Cologne angry, and likely to try to sweep the whole thing under the carpet. Shampoo's helping us, but likely to receive conflicting orders once Cologne sees her. Your lieutenants have amnesia. You have a curse. Mousse is out of the country, and the rest of the Tendos are holding a grudge against several of us. Welcome back."

Then Nabiki asked the question I was dreading. "Who helped you come up with the plan to swap Kasumi for Genma to get the charges dropped?"

"No one."

"Come off it. We've established you have a six year old's planning abilities for anything besides martial arts."

"You also thought you could blackmail Cologne."

"Are you saying I can't judge other people?"

"I'm saying you like to dwell on how dumber people are than you. I came up with the plan, and then convinced Kasumi and momma to go along with it. If your past observations and your present observations don't match, it's up to you to find the discrepancy."

"You're doing it again! You never psychoanalyzed people before, or used phrases like 'discrepancies in observations'."

"Awfully sorry, I'll go back to sounding uneducated then. Happy?"

"How long have you been smarter than you let on?"

"Ever since Akane malleted me on the head twelve days ago."

When she actually considered this, I laughed, and said "You mean you actually believed that? Man you are slippin'." It's obvious why she doesn't want to believe that I have been disguising my abilities for as long as I've known her. She takes pride in being in control, and part of that involves analyzing and categorizing people.

To think someone she's had under near constant surveillance for months could have defied her perceptions would force her to throw away every thing she knows about everybody. And while this might be a good idea, it would destroy the framework she feels she needs to support her. My intelligence strikes at the root of her world, as much as the proof of the existence of magic did.

Even more so, since she could now believe that her past disbelief in magic was based on the lack of magic in her vicinity. She wasn't at fault for being incorrect like she was in the present case, for underestimating me. Imagine how she'd feel if I started to speak bringing to bear my full erudition.

Actually I think she'd prefer that. She could then believe I was possessed. She wouldn't consider something as unlikely as possession if I was only slightly smarter than expected. But if I fully dropped my disguise, she'd enter into denial. Maybe not; all of the Tendo daughters have surprised me in the past with their strength of resolution.

In any event, we could expect something from Cologne, but we hadn't determined what. I asked, "Shampoo, what's the tribe's legal position on kidnapping someone outside of the tribe?"

"It boils down to 'Don't get caught.' Punishment is in proportion to the amount of trouble it brings to the tribe."

"Then to stop Cologne we have three routes, legality in Japan, impugning her honor, and legality in the tribe. And for tribal legality, we need to raise a stink. Shampoo, would your inability to have brought me to China be helped or hindered if I wrote an open letter to the elders stating that because of the treatment of my sister's sister, I don't feel able to ever live in China? I'm thinking it would put Cologne in hot water, and lessen any punishment for failing to drag me back."

"It could work. We have to be careful not to play it too soon, or Great-grandmother either blocks the note, or cast her spin on it."

"And what is their position on giving curses to outsiders?"

"More of the same, really. The curses are freely useable against non-members, except for the spring of drowned girl, which has multiple laws due to the number of people interested in it."

"So if Nabiki doesn't do anything, the tribe will completely forgive Cologne? What can Nabiki do to the tribe?"

"I could reveal the locations of the valuable Jhusenkyou pools to powerful people, and the location of the Amazon village that is claiming ownership? Let's see how their martial arts stand up to corporate greed and modern missiles."

"That's my family you're talking about bombing!"

"Your Great-grandmother cursed me!"

"If you published the information about the pools, very few people would believe you, but they should be visible from the spy satellites, and that many separate pools in a small region isn't natural. Someone important might investigate." I pointed out. "Plus if the Jhoketsuzoku are using the spring water to dissuade the Chinese army from attacking, and if the pools can't be used to cure us, then a missile strike to the pools would prevent anyone else suffering, and mean the eventual end of the village while giving everyone else time to leave. So, can the pools be used to cure us?"

Shampoo frowned, "Never heard of it happening. Every visit to Jhusenkyou means a permanent change in one's life. Sometimes curses add, sometimes not. But magic can't go away when second curse added. Adding a new curse is adding a new curse. They don't just vanish because the new curse is like your real body."

"So what happens when the curses don't combine?"

"It's unpredictable. The magic always does something. Sometimes original form is lost, and you switch between the two curses, but even if you used an appropriate spring to cure, the new form isn't the same. Springs have been used to make a curse a blessing, make the curse something beneficial, but never cured."

"So there's no straightforward answer. The pools can help cursed individuals, but not cure them. If we destroy the pools, we can't recreate them."

"It's still better to destroy them! Granted a few of the people with curses alive now might have benefited from Jhusenkyou in the future, but it's been cursing people for over a thousand years. We'll save countless more people."

"Several tribes other than mine make use of the pools."

"Do they use the pools to voluntarily get cursed, or do they choose victims like your Great-grandmother did? We can send letters to them, blaming it on Cologne cursing me. We don't even need to destroy it; we just have to be a credible threat, and send the letters."

"But how can we be a credible threat?"

"Saotome, are you familiar with the terms fuel-air bomb? Thermite? Even TNT at the base of the cliff abutting the pools, or being used for providing drainage to lower lying regions nearby. I am a credible threat. And that's before bluffing. Shampoo, which would the elders consider a more dangerous threat? Instructions on how nuclear bombs are built or a fake bill of sale for some twenty year old decommissioned missiles bought from a world power through a shady arms dealer?"

"The missiles, if the elder knows what they are. You don't have the facilities for enriching your own uranium."

Kasumi interrupted, "Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves? Our goal should be keeping Cologne from trying to cover up her crimes against Nabiki by recapturing her or worse."

"Well, the best way to prevent a cover-up is a massive disclosure. Once everyone knows what Cologne did, she can't cover it up."

"All right. It's back to the police department, then to spread the word publicly."

Nabiki interrupts, "If Shampoo could free my lieutenants, I could spread the story faster, and she probably should not be seen with us when we're at the police if we don't want Cologne sure that she's helping us."

"Shampoo, can you restore her lieutenants of all their memories except the blackmail material? That way you can claim to be working in your Great-grandmother's interest, while doing this as a favor to try and win me over."

"I'd have to restore their memories, and then re-erase the blackmail, but I can do it."

"Ok, you do that, and we'll go to the cops, and meet you back here. I'll protect Nabiki to the cops, and Mom and Kasumi can act as backup. We'll take the radios again in case of emergency."

The police were not very cooperative. Probably they were annoyed about being pulled into the usual craziness. After all, when this was long over they'd probably still be filling out forms and reports on it.

I'm sure they also suspected the likelihood of these charges being eventually dropped as well. Unreported kidnapping was after all pretty common in this neighborhood. And it was really the cursing we needed committed to record.

Unfortunately, as the officer urbanely informed us, turning someone into a duck was not against any particular laws. Although he was willing to file it under temporary disfigurement, which annoyed Nabiki because her temporary disfigurement was permanent. There wasn't precedence for the more accurate "chronic temporary disfigurement".

Nabiki was already sulking due to an earlier exchange. When the police asked her how she was stuffed into a tiny cage, she answered, "She turned me into a duck!"

"A duck?"

"I got better."

The full explanation and a demonstration vindicated Nabiki, but she hated not being seen at her best verbally.

After we finished with the interminable police procedure, she started calling her lieutenants, and put them to task of spreading the story of the kidnapping and the cursing. Then we returned to home.

Now that we'd protected Nabiki from further attacks, I felt my work in this problem was done. Unfortunately, Cologne would undoubtedly take the warrant for her arrest as a personal affront needing retribution, and Nabiki was after revenge for her "Mallardy." That pun probably would drive Nabiki to one up me, but I figured that if she refrained from retaliating, I would refrain from giving her a new nickname in school.

It was time to reopen communications with Cologne. If I didn't do it, Nabiki would, and I'd just have to go through the whole thing all over again.

When I phoned Cologne, I announced "The score's fifteen-love, and Nabiki's turn to serve."

"Very droll. Sarcasm's a new field for you, isn't it?"

"I thought the Amazons were here in Japan after me. It's disheartening to be cast as a pawn in your war with Nabiki."

"I take it you were the one to bust Nabiki out while I dealt with that useless father of hers?"

"That's now a matter of public record. Nabiki had me go over the whole thing with the police so you couldn't re-kidnap her to cover it all up."

"Was this call to warn me then?"

"Hardly. It looks like you and Nabiki are going into round two. She wants your guts for garters, and has tossed off several possible plans that sound pretty damaging to you. I'm hoping one of you will sue for peace before I'm required to rescue one of you from the other again."

"Are you implying I might be in danger from her?"

"I think so. But then I'm just a dumb martial artist. I couldn't possibly understand the intertribal and intratribal fallout from her plans. I did agree not to stop her if she decides to destroy Jhusenkyou once and for all."

Cologne laughed, "She couldn't."

"She outlined four completely different strategies for destroying either the springs or your village. They all sound plausible to me; but then again, she was just venting her anger at the time. When she's less angry, she'll either drop it altogether or find a more fool-proof plan. What are your tribe's laws on cursing outsiders?"

"I'm allowed to do as I wish."

"Well, she was hoping to sow discord among your people, and neighboring tribes by blaming the destruction of the springs on you. Claiming, 'by destroying these springs, Cologne will no longer be able to curse people.'"

"And what does Miss Tendo want? Revenge isn't in her nature, she prefers blackmail."

"I'm not so sure about that. She's done things to me as revenge, and I've never seen her so angry. I've no idea what she might want from you. I doubt that she'd be content with just insuring Akane's safety any more. That is what started this all, you know; the belief that after I married Akane, an Amazon would kill her. Not that my marriage is very likely at this point. By the way, is Shampoo there? I enjoyed my date with her. I agreed to another date if she restored Nabiki's minion's memories; this was before the rescue. She insisted on re-erasing the blackmail information, but when peace is restored, they'll be able to remember your restaurant's ramen."

"Did you call to gloat about the rescue? I'm not in the mood."

"Hardly! I was trying to inject a note of good news. My second voluntary date with Shampoo in a week; and the other ex-fiancees haven't even realized yet that they could ask me out. My reason for calling was to make sure you both had someone to pass messages through before Nabiki strikes out at you in fear and anger, you retaliate, and everyone expects me to fix it."

"Well then, let Nabiki know I'm willing to let things stand as they are if the police drop the matter."

"I think you'll need to be a bit more generous. In spite of starting this, she does feel she's the aggrieved party, as she's stuck with a permanent curse. Now if you could remove it, I'm sure she'd drop her revenge plans; at least after she cools down, and Kasumi talks her into it."

"I'm open to considering making concessions, but I doubt that there's anything she wants that I can give."

"I'll see what I can get from her. By the way, when at the police, I made sure the police kept Shampoo and Mousse out of it. And I know you can avoid the police at least for a little while. I'll call you back."

"So," I turned to my family, plus Nabiki. "What now? Nabiki's in a position to do Cologne some serious damage, but then Cologne will definitely retaliate. You could also gain some serious concessions from her. What you can't do is remove your curse, or re-engage me to a Tendo. What do you want?"

"I want revenge, but I'm still angry. Ask me later and I might have a different answer for you. I'm going home. Coming, Kasumi?"

"You forgot I'm living here now. But feel free to visit whenever you want to talk."

I added in, "And grab a bite to eat on the way home, either Genma or Akane probably cooked tonight."

Mom smiled, "You're welcome to stay for dinner."

"No, I need to get home."

At the time I was more worried about brokering a lasting peace between Cologne and Nabiki. I knew both parties felt sorely aggrieved, and both parties were willing to make irrevocable maneuvers to get what they felt they required.

Unfortunately Nabiki was still at a grave disadvantage, as her resources were paltry, and she was playing a fundamentally different game than Cologne.

Nabiki was playing the game of Japanese business and interpersonal relations. She manipulated the rules to get what she wanted by arranging the situation so that her opponent would find obeying her the least painful alternative.

Cologne was fighting a war. Cologne was willing to sacrifice her business, for example, to get what she wanted. Most business men could not.

A businessman threatened with losing his business or making payments to Nabiki would have to consider the cost of moving, and then pay what Nabiki asked instead. Cologne, on the other hand could consider proceeding with her plans, allowing Nabiki to cripple Cologne's business, and then use Nabiki's action to launch a retaliatory strike with charges of blackmail, libel, suing for possession of the dojo, and so on.

It didn't matter to Cologne what became of her business, merely how it impacted her goal to win me for the Amazons and assuage her pride. The only way for Nabiki to permanently defeat Cologne would be to either destroy her, or destroy me. Even if Nabiki so arranged things to facilitate my marriage to someone other than Shampoo, Cologne would regard it as no more than a setback. Nabiki's interim attacks failed to do permanent harm to Cologne.

However, I should have remembered that neither Cologne nor Nabiki were ones for making premature moves. Barring some decisive sneaky idea where they planned to keep me entirely in the dark, both of them would likely seek me out as the go-between for their next conflict. So it should have been obvious that the next emergency would not be arising from either of them.

No, the next attack was due to arise from the hurt pride and broken dreams of the Tendo Brothers, when my father and Kasumi's father went crying to their teacher, Happosai.

A man so evil that he found telling some young kind children to do good deeds to be physically dangerous to his health. Normally I couldn't see why Happosai would want my father's dreams to come true; he certainly didn't care about preserving the art or making my father happy. But by disowning my father, I put Happosai out of all legitimate authority over me, and that was something he didn't wish to bear. By his way of thinking, I might be able to oppose his will effectively if I became any more powerful, maybe even leading to his defeat again.

After all, I had surpassed the fathers in skill, and they had locked him away for years. Happosai had them too scared to oppose his wishes, but I lacked that fear. For these reasons, I needed to be under his nominal authority, or under the authority of someone like the Tendos whom he could force to kick me out.

Having me only under the authority of my mother when he had no influence on her at all made his situation untenable.

Luckily it wasn't in his nature to strike from ambush without first airing his feeling of being aggrieved. When he showed up at my mother's house, and demanded I return to the dojo, I immediately challenged him to become a master of anything goes, and gain the right to form a new school.

As I was at some effort to point out earlier, his Happo Dai Karin and his fear aura are his only two long distance attacks. With those two nullified, I can shoot chi at him from a distance and Hiryu Shoten Ha him from close up; thus guaranteeing me victory.

In order to force him to generate a lust aura, I had a selection of photographs, as I had used before, and wore a nearly transparent mesh bra, which would guarantee his cooperation should the photos prove ineffacious.

But to counter the letch's firecrackers, I'd have to use my counter. I was sure that the counter would work, but I did not know what the results would be if Happosai insisted on using them anyway.

Finally I decided that I had to use the technique, but to warn everyone of the dangers. I spent the interval before the fight convincing the females I cared for, to agree to carry fetishes I'd acquired or constructed to reduce their risks due to proximity to Happosai.

They were universally reluctant to carry the odd items until I suggested that it was an experimental item to make Happosai's glomping them temporarily ineffacious.

I also took a page from Pantyhose Taro's book, and carried a canteen of cold water, in case I had to entice Happosai with my magnificent breasts.

Mother carried a thermos of hot water so that I could start the fight male, or revert to male after the fight. I warned her that if I needed to be female to win, then I would. Happosai was too dangerous to discard any possible advantage.

I further insulted Happosai publicly by requiring him to make up a license for me to teach, to be held by the judges of the match, Cologne and Dr. Tofu. It was exceedingly rude to imply that he wouldn't keep his end of the bargain, but since he was an old man who became physically ill when merely suggesting to two young kids that they should do good deeds; people agreed he would only keep his word so long as it suited him.

The fathers also attended. Ostensibly to witness my attempt at mastery; but as they were talking about either dragging me back by force, or finishing off the master after I defeated him, I felt further protection from them was needed.

I insisted they watch from between Cologne and my mother. I also announced quite loudly that if my father disappeared, my mother was to use her sword to prevent Soun ever doing martial arts again. My father was not above using his sealed techniques if I were winning.

Cologne chuckled, and said that my threats were hardly necessary. Then she lashed out with her staff, hitting the Tendo brothers cleanly. "There, that shiatsu point should hold them for at least half an hour. They can watch the fight, but anything more than blinking is beyond them for the moment."

Finally Happosai appeared. We faced off against each other on the school's soccer field. I had insisted that people only watch from the sidelines, so there were no innocents behind either of us, and it would be easy to keep track of how far away the spectators were, so that they would not be drawn into my tornados.

Before we started fighting, I announced I had created a counter to the summoning of his firecrackers. I clearly announced that if he tried to use them, he'd injure himself. He scoffed, probably thinking I meant to use a tennis racquet like I had before; a counter only for the smaller bombs.

But for the first time in Nerima I openly made use of my esoteric knowledge. Had my actions formed some kind of beam attack, Happosai would have dodged or blocked my attack. But as my attack was a change on the underlying order of the topography of the universe, it propagated at something akin to the speed of light, if it could be properly said to have propagated at all.

One moment I was standing with my arms a little more than my shoulder's width apart, my palms pointing to Happosai. The next moment there were twin cylinders that looked like heat disturbed air, invisible, except for a different index of light refraction. Though in truth it wasn't a rarefaction of the air that caused light to bend, but a cessation of Euclidean geometry to adequately explain the area in the cylinders.

They wouldn't do any real damage to whomever they hit, eventually diffusing as the attack flew out of the atmosphere, since I couldn't have made perfect cylinders even if I had wanted to. Due to their lack of perfectly parallel sides, they were technically truncated cylinders, although that was not apparent to the observers.

They would have practically no effect; except where they intersected. Happosai, the two cylinders crossing within his body, would now be unable to use his summoning skills normally.

Having for the first time cast a "spell," a hush fell over the spectators. Never mind that what I did had more in common with physics, everyone saw me using magic.

"What did you do to me?" Happosai shouted.

"I sealed your only ranged attack." I released a few poorly aimed chi attacks, not really hoping to hit the hyperactive super-ball at this range, but to force him to come in close. Unfortunately, he didn't oblige me, but decided to try to work out why I wanted him to close with me.

"So you think you can defeat me if I get close to you; is that it?"

"Of course! You remember these?" I said as I displayed the photographic bait. "A few Hiryu Shoten Ha, and you'll be done for."

"You think I can't resist such paltry bait to walk into a known trap?" He sneered, but I could see perspiration bead his forehead. Five seconds later, he screamed "You're right! Those are mine!"

Needless to say he fell into the tornado without getting the photos. When he fell to the ground, I announced "I have you outmatched both in long range and close up. Why not admit defeat?"

Next he tried to use his fear aura, but as I'd said earlier, I'd worked out a defense from the number of times Soun Tendo used his version on me. Happosai's was stronger, but my defense still worked. Expecting me to be paralyzed, Happosai dove for the photos in my hand, but I led him into a second tornado.

When he stood after landing a second time, he swore, "No punk like you will beat me. Perfect Shi-shi Hokudan!" And he fired a truly humongous column of chi into the sky.

I hadn't expected this, or planned any defense. But when Ryouga first used his attack, we discovered that the attacker was only unaffected by his attack as long as he maintained the emotionless state arising from expelling his emotions. More or less the same trick I used on Ryouga would work on Happosai. I shouted, "Akane! Put your clothes back on!" Then, since I was still within the perimeter of the splash of the falling chi globe, I readied my Mouko Takabisha to protect myself by firing into the rolling wave of chi before it washed over me.

With a cry of "Where?" Happosai looked for the undressed Akane, forgetting for a moment his imminent self-inflicted attack.

The explosion was immense, and even with my chi blast, I was thrown clear, although I didn't sustain damage. Happosai, on the other hand, received the full force of his own attack.

Surprisingly, he staggered to his feet. Perhaps he knew a counter to lessen the danger, or perhaps he launched a second chi attack to deflect part of it while he was obscured from my sight. Ryouga demonstrated that he could withstand a few of his own attacks, so there's no reason the letch couldn't; but I thought I had sufficiently weakened him up.

Unfortunately, he wanted to continue. "I guess it's my fault for failing to use my best attacks just because you learned some fancy light trick, Ranma. Super Happo Dai Karin six meter bomb!"

He smiled, when I just turned and ran. I made no attempt to dodge, just put some distance between us. The last time he used a bomb this big, I had a handy cliff to kick it off. So Happosai thought I feared him.

The bomb exploded prematurely, as I had planned. Unfortunately I must have also killed his protection.

Since Happosai was in the pit from his Shi-shi Hokudan and his bomb, we didn't see what happened to him. We did see what looked like blue and pink soap-bubbles, shining as if illuminated by a spotlight and twinkling. They appeared floating at odd heights in and over the pit. Then as they faded away, we heard Happosai, we assume, cry out.

It was a bestial cry of fear or anger, with no attempt at communication. As if he just threw his head back and wailed. When it abruptly cut off, there wasn't a sound except the fading echoes off of the school buildings.

Then everyone wanted to rush forward to look in the pit. "Stay Back! It might not be gone! If you value your lives, stay back!" The fact that I was endeavoring to put more distance between me and the pit did more to convince them than my words.

Finally they abandoned their posts, and joined me around the far goal posts. Akane was the first to ask, "Ranma! What was that?"

"That was something you risked happening whenever you summoned your mallet!"

She flinched, but refused to drop the subject. "But what was it?"

"I've no idea. Hundreds of things could have happened. I'd never heard of that one before."

"Where did you learn that attack, son-in-law?"

"I invented it based on a counter for Akane's mallet attack. Happosai's firecracker trick was more complicated than I first thought, though. My attack was only supposed to pre-detonate his bombs. Of course there was no way for me to test it before."

"Is he dead?"

"I haven't a clue. He's not coming back though."

"Do you hear that, Tendo? The master is finally gone!"

I saw a dangerous glint in Cologne's eyes. "Congratulations, Son-in-law, You are now the Grand-Master of Anything Goes."

"What?" the Tendo brothers shouted. "He's far too young!"

"None the less, he's won the right to be a master of the school, and you both insisted Happy make Ranma his heir instead of you two. If you don't like it, you can always formally challenge him. If he wins though, he can remove your licenses. Once he's done that, he can seal your school and expel you before you can ask for a rematch. So you two better mind your manners."

"All I wanted was to win free of the school and start my own. Now I've gotta reform the blasted thing."

Akane barked "What do you mean, 'reform?'"

"I mean I gotta go through the school and seal the attacks that are dangerous and immoral! That mallet attack is an obvious one, let's start there. From now on, anyone who uses the mallet attack, or summoning any weapon using the method the Tendo branch uses for summoning a mallet, must forsake all Anything Goes teaching and are automatically ejected from the school!"

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"So the Boogiemen don't get you! Or do you want to be turned into a pink soap-bubble and get popped?"

"Is that what happened to Happosai?"

"I don't know! I didn't see any more than you did! I saw less, because I had my back turned and I was running away! The only way we'll know for sure what happened with Happosai is if one of you learns the attack, I seal you, and you blow yourselves up! And even then something else might happen to you."

"If you don't know what happened to him, how do you know he isn't coming back?"

"Because people who botch summoning spells are rarely seen again, and when they are, it's either something else taking their shape, or they're so insane you can't tell the difference."

"How do you know so much about it?"

"Because I looked it up! Why don't some of you answer my questions? Old ghoul, what's the life expectancy for a master of the hidden weapons school Mousse knows?"

"Between 25 and 30."

"That long? I had him pegged for only four or five years left."

"You may be right. Most masters don't make regular senseless ceaseless attacks. And he's already started having the dreams."

"I guessed as much from the Shinto ofuda Mousse kept in his room."

"You mean, Mousse is going to die?"

"Yes! Mousse and Akane regularly employ attacks that might randomly kill them. Happosai too, although he rigged it so someone else was likely to pay his penalty; and look where it got him."

"Why didn't you tell us before?"

"If I told you to stop using the attack you always successfully hit me with, would you have stopped? You didn't believe me about the super strength soba. Well now you don't have to believe me. Use that attack, and you cease to be a martial artist before you aim the thing. None of you ever believe me without proof. Well, Happosai has finally provided us with the proof I couldn't."

"You could have just told us!"

"No. I couldn't. I've made promises and decisions that precluded that choice. Telling people who wouldn't heed my warning anyway would have been an unacceptable risk without possible reward."

"I deserved to know!"

"You and Happosai deserved whatever you'd get. Where'd you think the mallet came from? You didn't care. I did what I could to keep you alive. Why do you think I let you hit me as soon as you drew your weapon? Because as soon as you hit me, you banished it. If I was willing to be hit to keep my secret, then you have no right to complain."

"Son-in-law, how many secrets have you been keeping from us?"

"I'm not sure of the number. How many are you keeping from me?"

"The situation's hardly comparable. Son-in-law..."

"Yes, you're right. Some of the secrets I'm holding would mean someone's likely death if I revealed them. Since that's the case, do you really expect me to discuss them to sate your curiosity?"

"Surely it's not as serious as all that."

"If I even suspect that someone is discovering what I'm guarding. I'm morally obliged to put a stop to it. Unfortunately knowing the stubborn people around here, is there any way I could stop one of you without risking lethal force?"

"You'd never use lethal force. You're too forgiving even to people trying to kill you."

"What do I need to do to convince you I'm serious? Cut off someone's arm? My secrets are my own, and I will HUNT people who are trying to crack them."

Nabiki interrupted, "Calm down. No one's going to try to figure them out."

"That's rich, coming from you. Everyone else will be motivated by personal gain in figuring out what I know. But you're an obsessive compulsive. When have you ever learned there was a mystery and left it alone? Not since I've arrived, at least. The only people I'd trust to keep my secrets if they were discovered are my mother and my sister; and I'm not going to risk telling even them. The rest of you become my enemies if you learn too much."

This time, Kasumi endeavored to calm me down, with much more success than the hypocritical Nabiki achieved. "Then the less said about those secrets, the better. If anyone else bothers to ask any more, then they're obviously hunting for clues in how you'd react, so we'd better just ignore them. After all, you couldn't have made your warning plainer. If they're not willing to back off, then nothing you say will convince them."

.oO0Oo.

Author's note:

I never intended to make Ranma the grandmaster. It struck me as too much wish-fulfillment on Ranma's part. I tried writing it differently, but it didn't work.

If Ranma was going to use his ace-in-the-hole, he's going to demand the right to leave and start a new school, becoming a master. If Happy dies, and Ranma's a master, Soun or Genma would want to claim the title grandmaster to gain authority over Ranma. But Ranma has a much better claim; in fact the father's only claim is that they're older. Even if Ranma didn't make the claim himself, someone else would for him, just to keep it from the fathers.

So Ranma's stuck becoming the Grand master will he nill he. It hurts the story, I'm afraid, because it looks like Ranma's getting everything handed to him.

On the other hand, as Grand master he should be able to seal the mallet attack without a 'lowly student' questioning him. So it's clear he's going to have to fight for his rights over and over again.

The reason I have Cologne dictating terms to Genma and Soun over challenging Ranma is because they'll inevitably think of challenging him. Ranma's smart enough that he'll inevitably make some clever demand, and I'd either have to waste a thousand words while the fathers back-pedal, or let the fathers lose, and then surprise them by retaliating before they can re-challenge. Neither of which does anything for the story.

Better to let Cologne cow the idiots before they try something. After all, with Ranma the grand-master, the fathers can't effectively interfere in Shampoo's pursuit of Ranma, and if Cologne gets Ranma into the tribe, she gains indirect control over Happosai's school.

Because I had no idea how to resolve the Cologne-Nabiki animosity, this file sat on my disk drive for over a year. As you'll see in the last chapter of this story, I haven't found an ideal solution. If anyone can suggest an idea I like, I WILL write a sequel.

You'll see that the last chapter leaves several threads still open. 


	6. Chapter 6

As the new grand master, I intended to demand Soun and Genma select heirs to their schools, or threaten to close their schools. Then I'd demand they demonstrate their pupils had improved every few months. That would serve several purposes, primarily keeping the Tendo brothers and Akane busy and out of mischief.

It would also net several additional not inconsequential benefits, such as getting Akane some decent training, giving her something real to be proud in to counteract her insecurities, and get the three of them used to obeying my decisions regarding the school.

But this would require an initial investment of time and effort I could ill afford to spend at the moment. It would wait until the Nabiki-Cologne feud had been resolved.

Meanwhile, the Tendos left to celebrate their emancipation from Happosai, and bemoan my manumission from them. Cologne's warnings were of sufficient magnitude to guarantee my immunity from direct attack from that quarter. With Nabiki somewhat reliant on me for negotiating a Dane geld from Cologne, and with her situation being so uncertain she couldn't afford more enemies, I could forget about the Tendos for now.

With one successful date having occurred, and another one planned for the near future, the Amazons were unlikely to cause trouble, even with Cologne's bruised pride.

With Happosai's disappearance and Mousse's absence, the only people left who regularly attacked me were Ryouga, the Kunos, and the school's faculty.

And as Happosai's heir, I could rename Pantyhose Taro; either whatever name he'd prefer or "Okama," his favorite insult he used on me. I hadn't decided which to do. I guess it depends on how he behaved when he returned.

But now it was time to face my unbeatable opponent. When we got home, momma wanted to discuss my dating plans. I opened by playing to my strengths, "I'm not dating any of my ex-fiancees until they admit I have the right to make my own decisions about who I can date, and ask me out, like Shampoo has!"

My mother dodged, and took advantage of my overextension to counter-attack. "That makes sense, but you pointed out that your relationship with Shampoo isn't progressing, and the other girls might not ever acquiesce. Besides, they might not be the girl for you. So what are your plans towards asking other girls out?"

Unable to dodge, I tried to block, taking the minimum amount of damage. "Well, I don't know any other girls."

Seeing me off balance, momma pressed her advantage. "I can understand that, but that wont change on its own. What will you do to change that?"

My defenses breached, I capitulated. "I have no idea."

"Well, so long as you think about it. If you still have no idea after you've thought it over, I'll offer you some suggestions. But I'm sure you'll find it more enjoyable and less embarrassing if you come up with a method on your own. Seeing as you and Kasumi are in somewhat the same position from opposite genders, perhaps you can offer suggestions to each other."

The message was clear to me. Fix this problem, or momma would help, which would be much more embarrassing than asking Kasumi. I'd be too embarrassed to discuss how to pick up girls with Kasumi, but if the alternative is momma, then I'm going to have to suffer the embarrassment if I can't do this on my own.

It would help if I had a better idea what I wanted in a girlfriend. Perhaps it was an overreaction to the arguments I've just recently had with the others, but I was thinking about either someone as smart as I without an interest in the martial arts, or someone who shared my interest in martial arts but lacked the intelligence to discover my secrets.

While I wouldn't mind if she were cute, I've had enough experience with gorgeous nudes coupled with violence to be somewhat jaded with physical beauty. The real problem is that I have no way to get to know girls naturally. What I really need is a high school gay, lesbian, and bi club. While I have no interest in men, it would be nice to find a kind girl that liked both my forms. And it would simplify things enormously if I could get to know girls in my female form without having to disguise my interest.

All this speculation was, of course, useless. Such groups didn't have official clubs in high school. Perhaps in college. I can just imagine the introduction. "Hello, I'm Ranma Saotome, and I'm a man trapped in a woman's body," at least for the next hour.

I don't know; according to Hiroshi and Daisuke, being a man in a woman's body is supposed to be quite pleasurable, but most of the enjoyment seems to hinge on the entering and leaving, preferably in rapid succession.

What I really need is a chance to get to know people without alot of preconceived notions and rumors about myself. Something Nabiki effectively scuttled on my first day at Furinkan.

I suppose I'll have to start spending time doing something social outside of school. I wonder if I can find some clubs unassociated with a school, and preferably in a nearby district.

But that would require I develop an interest in something else besides martial arts and the more esoteric realms of theoretical physics. Well, as long as the subject is neither abhorrent nor mind-numbingly boring, I can try and endeavor to generate an interest. I'll see if I can find any non-juku classes or crafts being taught in the vicinity. Perhaps I'll learn an instrument of music. I've never had the opportunity to learn to express myself through performing arts.

And if pressed, I can try one of the less masculine of the performing arts. My martial arts ought to translate well to learning to dance, and either modern or ballet should have a high female to male ratio. I wonder what Kuno would say if I clobbered him in the schoolyard while performing "Death of a Faun."

As well as the reformation of the Anything Goes School, the war between Cologne and Shampoo, and the search for a non-ex-fiancee to date, there was one other major problem. Either over my return to China or my knowledge of the esoteric; I would eventually come into conflict with Cologne. And depending on the level of relationship that I'd forge with Shampoo at that time, she might be for or against me.

For the moment, she would not likely try anything overt, as I had just revealed that she had massively underestimated me again, and had a hand in the death of Happosai. But with time, it would be inevitable that she would assume that I was incapable of directed violence on the level which had killed Happosai. She would mistake my self-imposed desire to avoid killing as an admission of inability.

If I couldn't find some method through less violent means to get her to acknowledge my right to direct my own life, then she will inevitably get bored of waiting, and try some new method to compel me to her wishes. And while there will inevitably be some methods of avoiding some of her traps, she would keep trying until she selects one where I'd have to capitulate or someone would have to die.

So it behooved me to find a method to deal with Cologne before it had reached that point. Unfortunately I had been trying for months to come up with such a plan, and have so far failed.

Hopefully something would come up before then which I could direct to achieve my objectives without death. Shampoo might accept my opinions of her grandmother, and with the pressure of Nabiki's campaign against Cologne, she might be forced to retreat. Or some other disaster might arise where I'd be forced to kill, will I nill I, and convince Cologne once and for all that I was too dangerous to bully. And maybe the horse would learn to sing; I can't use lethal force to solve the problems Nabiki and I have with Cologne, because there's a chance it can be resolved without death, even if I can not see how to achieve that yet.

Still, time will tell. In the mean time, I have to deal with a more difficult, more complicated, and thornier problem; dating.

.oO0Oo.

I would have posted this story a year ago, but I was stuck. How can Cologne and Nabiki's differences be resolved without all out war? They've reached a Detente; neither of them has to do anything. They could maintain the status quo as long as they wish, so the crisis has ended.

Likewise, while I had no intention of taking this story to the conclusion of Ranma's romantic life, this story has reached a new plateau. His fiancees have once again equal chances to win him; only the rules have changed. While Shampoo doesn't yet fully appreciate the new rules, she was the first to adapt. But that hardly means she would win; violence against whoever makes the next attempt to date Ranma could lose her most of the ground she had achieved.

The destruction of Happosai I considered inevitable, the revising of the school was unplanned; and again beyond the scope of the story.

Barring the lack of a definitive resolution of Cologne and Nabiki's differences, the story is finished. So I will end the story here.

If I come up with a believable way of handling Cologne and Nabiki I will write a sequel. If that happens, I will definitely go into Ranma and Kasumi's romantic entanglements (not with each other, Kasumi is the only girl with no further chance at Ranma for a husband). I will also definitely handle the revisions of the school, dealing with Akane and the Tendo Brothers. 


End file.
